Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML
Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store. I bent to get some dog food off the bottom shelf and felt my pants tear. My jeans split right across the back seam, showing everyone I was wearing a pink thong under them. I had to ditch my cart and leave as I had no way to cover myself. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML
Today, at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
Today, I was shopping in a mall when I needed to go to the bathroom. One of the toilets was out of order, so I went to the other toilet. After that, there was no toilet paper, so when I saw tissue in the sink, I left the stall with my pants down and someone saw me. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I'm confused here...did it look like salami or smell like it? Or both?
littlewifey 7
Just because you can't eat salami anymore didn't mean you had to ruin it for everyone else...
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Comments (114)
A7XfoREVer6 10
Ew that must've been dirty
FMLandurstoo 9
Salami tastes good though!
Nightwing98 22
Wow 13- your picture matches your comment perfectly. I even read your comment in his voice.
FMLandurstoo 9
Mmmhmmm yeah it does sonny boy. Wanna Popsicle?
Meettitan 14
Those words....... this image........ suicide is the only way out......
bustub2 8
Salami is his word for homeless pussy
123josie123 11
^you don't say?!
A7XfoREVer6 10
Just... gross
fuzz97 23
Why did you leave two vapid comments that said almost exactly the same thing?
A7XfoREVer6 10
Because I could fuckwad
onlychildFTW 34
27- he obviously likes being thumbed down twice as much! It makes him feel important that everyone's giving him twice the attention.
missyfiona89 28
Yummi salami!
DocBastard 40
I'm confused here...did it look like salami or smell like it? Or both?
mandak1982 3
I'm confused too. What does salami have to do with anything? Strange.
TxCountryBeauty 10
That's what I'm wondering. I'm not entirely getting the reference. Then again besides my own, the only other vaginas I've seen were in books.
thatpeachyperson 12
Unless it was her 'time of the month'.
TxCountryBeauty 10
Then it would have been a bloody steak:)
PhilMcHawk 7
Seems pretty obvious nobody here has seen meat curtains. Yeah buddy, google *that*...
heygirlie777 21
I got the idea that when he saw her, he was eating salami.
somewizdom 15
Didn't get it either! Was she pleasuring herself with a salami earlier and left it there?
pillowsarecomfy 2
I'm assuming you can't eat roast beef anymore either
Drigr 9
I think he's saying she had a penis...
i_wuz_nver_here 31
No no no you all have it wrong, she then took the salami op was enjoying and used it to re-clothe herself
sens3sfailing 25
I thought the same thing!!!!
Zangetsu67 5
It's obvious that she is a transvestite
Khariau 8
Might be reffering to her clit.(which could explain the penis theory)
marshmelo17 5
Homeless or not, salami or not, who changes their underwear while laying down????
j_cat187 20
I think the beaver is dead because it's tongue was hanging out.
SamanthaCassieL 10
Um.. I'm a girl and last I checked it didn't look like salami down there.. Taco is def more accurate lol
littlewifey 7
Just because you can't eat salami anymore didn't mean you had to ruin it for everyone else...
reallytho3 11
At least we still have bacon :)
AKGirlinSD 20
Until someone posts on FML that a woman's pussy looks like bacon lol. Even the biggest bacon lovers would not be able to enjoy bacon anymore.
emmywemmy123 4
Unless she had male genitalia, this makes no sense.
reallytho3 11
Exactly...
CrassKal 27
Maybe he's referring to sliced salami.
mrshaffer 2
Roast beef would be a better choice of words
KiddNYC1O 22
It's the new Genitalia salami.
journeytotheend 16
And now neither can I
journeytotheend 16
Neither does "blue waffle" until you google it and look at the images.
I_lost_the_game 25
No one would google it and THEN go look at pictures, unless they went straight to images to find out what it was.
torio123 27
#76 that's just being mean! You know what he meant and there's no need to pick apart his comment like that.
bizarre_ftw 22
78 - *shakes hand* welcome to FML
xXCherrryBombXx 6
"blue waffle" is the result of sexual abuse, rape etc. it's bruising, and not something to be taken lightly. Definitely not something to joke about.
dominic1221 6
LOL. The blue waffle thing is fake. You don't even need to be a medical professional to figure that out, but according to them too there's no such thing. Jeez, stop believing these hoaxes.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Blue waffle = Photoshopped gohnoriha.
spazz666 18
Actually, all you ignorant morons, "blue waffles" do happen. They are NOT the result of sexual abuse or rape, they are just a vaginal infection that can be caused by suffocation of the genitalia which can be caused by wearing underwear that is too tight. Learn something before you try to look smart on the Internet.
graceinsheepwear 34
112 Do your own research. No such thing.
TxCountryBeauty 10
Why salami? Couldn't it technically look like any package of sliced pinkish meat? I thought vaginas were supposed to look like flowers! How big would it have to be in order to look like meat?
Inheritance 10
The salami could be folded up and look deformed.
TxCountryBeauty 10
I really hate to think that any female could look like that. Our reproductive organs are supposed to be a beautiful work of art.
Inheritance 10
Agreed but there are some cases that something goes wrong and it doesn't work out as so.
rockerlove2013 6
Yea I'm with you 12 how do you get an old homeless women out of salami, oh wait I wish I didn't see that connection
outoftown 27
Thinking pepperoni on over-baked pizza... shudder
spazz666 18
Vaginas and penises are both ugly.
eeeeeeee 5
Interesting that she, as a homeless person, was clean-shaven. (Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to see past the hair.)
unknown_user5566 27
Good point, but for some reason my stupid mind visualized an unshaved homeless lady before I could stop myself. Now I'm nauseous and sad.
outoftown 27
Women's hair can thin out with age -- everywhere.