Today, I received a phone call at work about an emergency, and that I had to come home immediately. I arrived to find that no one had been hurt and the house hadn't burned down. The "emergency" was my mom had ran out of milk and cigarettes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at 2:47 am, my mom woke me up in a panic screaming about smelling gas and the house blowing up. Twenty minutes, two fire trucks, and a traumatized dog later, it was just the neighbors burning their mail. FML
Today, right before the most important final of my education, I got a text from my mom saying my house had burned to the ground, and my children were outside waiting for the firemen. I panicked, left school, and sped home… all for her to laugh and tell me it was “just a joke.” FML
Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML
Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my usual parents. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML
Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML
Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML
Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML
Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML
Today, my mom was on the phone while we went grocery shopping. Apparently, her phone call was more important because she just left me stranded in the store. FML
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Top comments
JacksonCampbell 9
Buy a cow.
rattusrattus 19
Unless your mother is infirm, I'd say the emergency is that she's a lazy and entitled old bat.
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Comments (79)
bnvc 0
wow.
abbi96x 0
But that IS an emergency? What if she was eating Oreos? You can't have Oreos without a glass of milk?
pman590 8
Maybe the kitties were trying to steal the milk, well then. Jog on kitties..
mtlooney225 0
get her orange juice and candy cigarettes! haha
YacL 15
Milk and cigarettes feels like a weird combination to me.
opendoorclosed 8
They're actually pretty delicious blended together.
FlipInBrosky 4
The real "emergency" is figuring out a lie to tell to your boss/co-workers what had happen
PurpleRae420 0
Haha sounds like my mom
WishResign 0
-_- this is from the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous... and I'm guessing OP works at a funeral home, applying makeup to dead people while tap dancing.
tsim_fml 0
Can't OP's Mother get the milk from her breasts?
ohrlynao 0
Thank you, #1, for this delightful, insightful comment.
JacksonCampbell 9
Buy a cow.
Mitcha857 0
that also buys cigarettes for her
urdirtyolduncle 15
This is why I treasure and admire my calf.
aardvarkish 17
15 is the udder definition of à propo!
stephanie911_fml 0
The calf doesn't give you milk, you have to keep a female pregnant. & milk it 3 times a day.
Elenachka 0
#44- is there a pun intended? if not, that's utterly the most hilarious typo ever
urdirtyolduncle 15
Way to successfully kill the joke, Stephanie.
JacksonCampbell 9
64 - You're right. that was udderly hilarious.
EmoGiana 0
Damn, she sounds cool.
angelpies 0
EmoGiana I have yet to see one of your comments rated positive.
mk58 31
The milk is crucial to life. I'm not sure about the cigarettes though.
Lehk 9
milk isn't crucial at all, it's actually a pretty lousy food, difficult to digest (impossible for some) it has a lot of fat in it, and when handled improperly it can carry some horrible diseases. there are much better sources of calcium out there too, milk is not needed at all, unless you are a suckling infant, or a baby cow.
mk58 31
It's crucial to my life! Can't live without ma milk.
IndiRae 9
I'' pretty sure a baby cow the same as a suckling infant, or is there some special baby cow milk I'm unaware of? P:
lilclare 0
well did you get it?
Bizenghastly 0
exactly ^_^
stevman14001 0
that sucks a lot
NomOnShroomz 14
I'm guessing OP's mother does too...
whiteboy7thst 2
Can't live without your 2% and smokes.
jBordeniv 0
amen to that
eftup 9
1% son!
rattusrattus 19
Unless your mother is infirm, I'd say the emergency is that she's a lazy and entitled old bat.
Bams430 0
Emergency indeed
nadyy14 8
it's received not recieved
abbi96x 0
Grammar Nazi.
Mitcha857 0
who the hell are you saying that to 11?