Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
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Top comments
truthishly 0
maybe u should have stopped?! you know since she was saying "ouch" maybe u should have checked to make sure she was okay?!
justsayfuck 5
Guess she was too tired for faking.
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Comments (90)
phirestarter 0
maybe turn her on first next time fool....
tzolkin 0
#71 Is sooo right. shes probably exhausted from having two kids, an expectant partner and who knows what other stresses in life. and it is way more of a turn on when daddy is an equal partner and not a roomate who sometimes helps out. not that we know OP's situation, but just a little tip for all you daddys out there who aren't gettin enough action, or satisfyng action in this case.
towboatdude 0
Has anyone thought the she might be just a dead and fridgid lay. I mean come on. I dated a girl like that and I'm hung like a horse. and go for hours.
blahzz 4
Great advertisement.
5t3ff1k4h 47
You sound like you're overcompensating.
lardhaterplz 6
starfish!!
egxflash 0
uh......I feel sorry for you.
numnut 3
next time give her a nice massage before.. maybe she just needed a little TLC in the way a woman benefits the best
janise 2
Why didn't you stop after the 1st Ouch? That's generally the universal sign for "Not gonna happen bud. Now go take out the garbage".
FreeCandyVan 0
Its called a penis pump.
perez758 2
do something different than homy. change it up on her. she's just tired of doin the same shit all the time.
poppetsauce 4
wow.. why so many your life sucks? This ******* jackass deserved shitty sex if he's going to just cram it in the second hes alone with her. Women require lubrication and arousal for sex NOT to hurt doucehbag. Generally if she isen't responding, it's because IT DOE NOT FEEL GOOD. Oh and the "ouch" sound? That is also a bad sign. You are a god damn idiot. I feel sorry for your poor wife.