Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML
Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML
Today, I joined a gym. I’m overweight and not very athletic, so I was nervous. I looked around and tried a treadmill. I start walking at a chill pace, then got ambitious and cranked it to a "light jog." Within seconds, I tripped, fell, and sent the emergency stop button flying across the room. The gym staff ran over and I swear someone said, “Well, at least he’s trying.” FML
Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML
Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML
Today, I started doing cardio at my local gym with a basic exercise bike because doing weightlifting by itself wasn't having an effect on my weight. Since I'm out of shape, I did 15 minutes instead of the standard 30. I had to stop at 10 minutes because my legs were so sore they nearly gave out on me when I stood up. FML
Today, I was proud of going to the gym 3 times a week (instead of once a week) to get in relative shape. I even started doing light cardio and (I thought) started to eat better. I've gained six pounds, despite watching what I eat and even increasing the resistance on the exercise bike that I use. FML
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You're going to be a huge hit at the gym. I can see it now...The Gasmaster.
dr_snow_bear 29
A small start is better than no start. Good luck!
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Comments (111)
DocBastard 40
You're going to be a huge hit at the gym. I can see it now...The Gasmaster.
Pleonasm 36
Well just wait until he starts doing squats then!
rg350dx 29
The Gasmaster. Gettin' ripped while rippin' ass.
ElatedEarthling 15
The GasMaster: feelin' the burn... wait no, that's just from the Mexican food.
Nicholi124 10
How about the fartmiceter lol anyways good luck OP
mn_shr 22
That was a little mean, ******* hilarious, but mean nonetheless.
7yzzFML 17
OP you deserve it for getting so fat in the first place. But at least you're making a start.
Bootle 10
Hey like you say, at least you're doing something about it. Good for you, dude. I'm really rooting for you. Farts happen, especially when one exercises.
dr_snow_bear 29
A small start is better than no start. Good luck!
ogatasan 5
I agree. Congratulations to the OP for deciding to make a positive change!
MelTheGreat 23
That's true. At least they're getting their rear in gear.
Karma_Geddon 36
You jumped 10 times today, try for 12 tomorrow and don't give up! Everyone has to start somewhere OP
bjdog98 9
Aw don't worry, just keep trying :)
SamanthaCassieL 10
Exactly. We all gotta start somewhere :)
Dracoboxer357 36
Loud or not, everyone starts somewhere! Keep it up! ;)
Stalkerloo 11
Don't let that get you down, OP! Use it as motivation to get fit! Also, a great way to get started is by walking around your neighborhood. It's exercise and it's not super hard on your joints and stuff.
ComoEsJuan 24
'Fartin' to the Oldies'
Grauncho 27
Are you autistic
ComoEsJuan 24
No, I'm artistic, though... I think...wait. What was the question?
oj101 33
Use an elliptical machine, or a stationary cycle. It takes the pressure off your joints and is less strenuous whilst still burning as many calories as you would with running.
Welshite 40
At less you gathered the initiative to begin exercising, OP; many can't even do that.
Welshite 40
least* My fault, people.
rg350dx 29
*grabs pitchfork and waits for angry mob of grammar nazis* BURN HIM!
rg350dx 29
Open the door, man! Let in some air!
your_ma 27
Keep at it OP it'll be worth it when you see the results :)