Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
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Top comments
truthishly 0
maybe u should have stopped?! you know since she was saying "ouch" maybe u should have checked to make sure she was okay?!
justsayfuck 5
Guess she was too tired for faking.
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Comments (90)
imakemlaff 3
she not like that when I'm banging her!
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe her form of "making love" is for you to find out what pleases her (at least w/ sex) then doing at least that much.
Snarky50 0
Why are you complaining? Sounds like you're married to the perfect woman. You get your rocks off in peace and quiet.
ngk09 0
hahahahahahahaha!
loveurlifeJK 5
Sex. Ur doin it wrong.
mopi_fml 0
I'm pretty sure that happens to most if not all married men at some point in their marriage
DjeePee 25
All married men will forget how to make love? Another reason to never marry. Or do you mean that all married men will become egoistic *****? Or that they can't tell the difference between pleasure and pain? Or you're just wrong. People with their generalising...
hofstadter 2
Not cool, man. Not cool AT ALL.
lauramac23 0
God suck it up princess at least she's giving you sex when she's not interesed/tired she's put her needs before hers. To the people that don't "get it" obviously you have no children or get worked hard enough to know what it's like to not be interested. She could have been a been a bitch and said no
DjeePee 25
So, she's a bitch if she don't want to have sex. Oh, that makes sense, now I get why all those creepy men called me bitch if I wasn't interested in them. Silly me, I thought they were just selfish assholes who didn't respect me, but no, it's my own fault, I should have spread my legs. Now seriously, I have been tired in my life, and if I'm too tired to have sex I am allowed to say 'no', and, no, that doesn't make me a bitch, that makes me a normal human being. If I would force my boyfriend to have sex despite his tiredness, that makes me the bitch.
122409 0
a FEW times? you didn't stop after the FIRST "ouch"!?
oarisimo 4
no he meant "ditto"
jdgcali 0
ditch the bitch and make the switch