Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
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Top comments
wolfgold2 20
So, what happened next? ;)
Cwizer 17
I think he might just be happy and thinking of ways to please you.
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Comments (61)
MLPcuzYOLO 5
I'm terrified for you, too! Are you going to be able to pretend to be surprised when he fists you? People get awfully sore when they find out that the surprisee knew of the plan all along. Lubing yourself up every night might be a dead giveaway.
TheRoyalBattler 5
Just be glad he didn't mutter "cleveland steamer"!
dawsonstar 15
Or rusty trombone
FucYoCouch 13
Urban Dictionary is my best-friend, at the moment.
robotiick7 23
Or "Alaskan pipeline!"
elcee1987 18
Or a dirty Sanchez.
JaneChemi_fml 21
I feel old now. I had to UD most of those
slasher2808 11
well you can always be happy knowing he was just saying "surprise fisting" and not waking up by a surprise fisting.
el_mermaid 16
Surprise ************!
Lilsbills 15
Heart eyes mothafucka
tot5t 12
Sleep tight ************
cleary30 13
Sleep tight. Lol.
el_mermaid 16
Not so tight after the fisting
Karenezzy 20
I bet it gets intense if you know what I mean(;
MrDonSalvetti 27
Bad.
CatcherQueen 15
Once I punched my boyfriend's back while still being asleep. He almost punched me back in the nose.
TheElBurrrito 21
Ok...
Coeliacchic93 21
I bit my boyfriend on his lower back.once while I was asleep....
michaelm1290 23
Wear a jock-strap backwards...
sugarmonster42 7
Oh boy...
sdroze1389 31
maybe he was the one being surprise fisted, probably not but if it helps you feel better :-)