Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
"That's more mouth action down there than I get from you, Bucko!"
kujiens101 24
I assume it’s like a splinter. Your skin cells degrade it until it falls out.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
"That's more mouth action down there than I get from you, Bucko!"
samomaha 17
Well, your boyfriend is right, so . . . yeah.
kujiens101 24
I assume it’s like a splinter. Your skin cells degrade it until it falls out.
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
only if its not a wiping slap
DrSamba 7
You're fine. I have lived (among other places) in New Hampshire and Florida a combined total of 40 years. If embedded mosquito probosces (?) never degraded, I'd be a human pincushion by now.