Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TeraBaap 21
Tell him he has a mosquito on his face and do the same.
stryder9090 28
Well you wouldn't want anyone to suffer the pain of mosquito bite on their ass would you?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
Cadburry 11
He obviously wants that ass
hellnosucka 27
thanks for clarifying that man. it would've been a real mystery otherwise.
Elban 20
Scooby Do type mystery...
TeraBaap 21
Tell him he has a mosquito on his face and do the same.
fariss 14
I think there should be a mosquito on his genital area.
holly_fly 34
But hat one shouldn't get slapped. It should be full force kicked or kneed. Less time for the mosquito to react.
Thebestinclass 16
Or you could just simply dumping him instead of causing violence. You never know how they may react he could always punch you back and it would be legal self defense.
Genkai 3
yall girl needa ******* chill with that shit about hitting guys in the balls that shit aint cute and it hurts like hell girls have done that to me for no reason at all but because its funny and ill tell you girls who do that deserve to get punched in the ******* jaw or slammed into a wall and im against hitting girls but yall like taking shit too far
chrisbeaudoin 26
I'm a guy, when girls do it for no reason, yes it's painful and unnecessary, in a situation like this, op has every right to do so.
stryder9090 28
Well you wouldn't want anyone to suffer the pain of mosquito bite on their ass would you?
Goblin182 27
Then he would have to kiss it and make it all better.
bornpatriot 11
That's the most British response you can expect.
joetan 16
Slap his face and say,"But there's big mosquito with a big asshole?!" ?
hellobobismyname 24
I don't want to know what a big mosquito with a big asshole looks like..
Ethan_Anonymous 28
It always pisses me off when some guys do that to their girls. Some deserve so much, I'm sorry op, but he honestly sounds like scumfuck
sparkledoge 29
Was the mosquito your boyfriend ? Because he kinda sucks.
MidnaLink 35
"You mean through all those flashing lights you could see a mosquito on some chick's ass? **** you!"
Rabite 28
What a charming guy. I hope the girl also confronted him. How does anyone even remotely think that this is okay?
deathshead 19
Aw... look at him being so thoughtful and considerate! Kill him.
Shinran 3
Haha, that made me laugh. It's true though. I like your sense of humor, btw.
heatherrr17 19
Lmao