Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mrnicety 0
That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny
Saluton 18
uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
mrnicety 0
That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny
trevorr_16 25
Some call it 'morning wood'.
Stiggy626 25
it happens every 90 min when you sleep, out something like that
Saluton 18
uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.
renegade365 0
Are you kidding dude? Morning wood sex is the best sex. It only goes away quick if your girlfriend isn't worth the early morning effort it takes whipe it off before you have your coffee lmao.
zachary0005 4
indeed
SlimKlim 0
Payback for all the times girls shoot guys down. Bwahahaha
sexaybitch 14
Nobody said OP was a girl. OP could easily have been a dude.
hahahawow 0
whatever it takes....
LoosechangeX 0
Ya seriously Did you get the man his damn Ice Cream. First you wake him up and then you ask him if he wants anything then hes says Ice Cream you better go get it. Then you can get some.
fundangle 0
morning wood usually means you have to pee more than anything. but of course, you couldn't know that, not having a penis and all.
bebroennegge 0
op could also be a guy...
BlaBlaBla_95 0
ice cream > sex lol #5
BulldogQB4 0
Stop complaining, it's morning wood. You should be lucky you aren't dating a pig. My buddies are all about that stuff and it's annoying really.
marykateex3 0
Mint chocolate chip ice cream: 1 You: 0
shaBAMalex 0
lol #8 XD I guess I would be kinda pissed if I was in your situation. But come on, is it really that bad? Loool
666midnight 0
I can't blame him, I'd prefer ice cream over sex after being woken up =D