Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I'd planned on treating myself to a spa day. I'd booked a massage and was so relaxed that I fell asleep during it. When I woke up, I realized that I had drooled all over the massage table. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
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Top comments
sarah8909 0
Do you know how much that sort of stuff costs in a salon? Don't be so ungrateful :p
BlackWolfVII 0
Maybe your boyfriend's got chunky thighs you've never noticed before.
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Comments (101)
tehhotness 0
At least one of you is being proactive at fixing your fat ass
ohherro 0
hey, at least he's being discrete and respecting your feelings. give him points for trying to mediate the problem without hurting your feelings!
Ohnoitslindsay 0
As has been said many times by the more educated posters, cellulite has no correlation to body weight. It's a fact. So let's get over this "it's fun to tell people on the Internet that they're fat" thing.
Ox_Baker 0
My girlfriend has a bit of cellulite, and she's barely 100 pounds. It has more to do with not exercising enough and eating too many starchy foods than being overweight. Try getting more fiber in your diet.
ello_ello 0
boyfriend should leave and find a younger less bumpy woman. Christ she is also complaining cause he is trying to smooth out some bumps in the road before he goes for a ride. New younger model buddy simple as that.
fortunecookie_fml 0
#34 amen.
UrLifeDoesntSuck 0
@34 - it is fun to call out fat ***** for being fat when they complain about it.
rmm 0
yeah, you can have cellulite without being fat... I know girls with stick thin legs who still have it, so shh.
Ohnoitslindsay 0
Well then #38, I suggest you find a more fulfilling hobby than being stupid.
Demon_fml 0
Did you ever stop to think maybe he was doing it because he kows you are bothered by it and wants to make you feel better about yourself...YDI your BF was trying to do a nice thing for you and you overreact i would take a massage anyday for anyreason