Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
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Top comments
nicesprites 4
are you sure he was your boyfriend?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Lol try rubbing something else next time(; or kick it...
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Comments (119)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Lol try rubbing something else next time(; or kick it...
iMOTHERHUMPERi 0
you need a knife to the face
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I know right?! oh well
iMOTHERHUMPERi 0
you can find one. please keep looking
docscientist 10
Screw you for trying to be trendy by placing a lowercase i in front of your name.
iMOTHERHUMPERi 0
"trendy" i like it. now go 69 a tree
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
obviously you have man hands. it's a disease that affects 10% of people. your bf probably felt like a guy was coming onto him.
afroninjashuffle 0
^very true!
Alpha35 4
HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA don't touch him... .EVEN IF THERES A FIRE GIRLFRIEND
Anthian 0
say, dont say i never offered.
untoward 0
#41 Assuming an even distribution of "man hands" throughout the population, let's assume only 5 % women and 5 % men have man hands. My question is what do the rest of the men have if they don't have "man hands"?
bman134 0
when will girls lean if you want to be romantic just grab it and give it a kiss
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
#70 take you're damn logic elsewhere! lol
Archeros 0
#70 Ten percent of women have men's hands, so I guess 10% of all guys should have female-ish hands?
habeybaby25 11
Hey! I do not have man hands! I have little soft hands thank you very much! :)
CumShott 0
Hahaha, i actually laughed out loud xD
supremetoast58 0
shutthefuckup
XxxT3rr4xxX 25
who doesn't like a neck massage? unless you snuck up on him then it would be creepy.
korie22_fml 0
your bf is gay
LosAngelesSon 8
Gaydar alert!
thelastavailable 13
Agreed.
Korill 3
Or she just really fails at massages
TengoCojones 0
.. should've been in the kitchen
clcbjj31 0
Hilarious.
EquallyRacist 0
Agreed, the only time a woman should leave the kitchen is for sex, and you don't necessarily NEED to leave the kitchen for that....
haquai 0
Your cousin is an obese lard who deserves to be injected with HIV
stro88 6
shoulda made a sandwich instead.
CoonAndFriends 0
Shutup.
haquai 0
fat *****
foreveryoung97_fml 2
sexist bitch I hope yuh go to hell and rot like my moms ******
very_ugly_girl 0
Very true, in the kitchen making food for their man only. After that clean the home and go to the closet to sleep.
nicesprites 4
are you sure he was your boyfriend?
omgshaylaaa 0
op was probably referring to her brother... keep in mind they are from iowa..
unidentified_sta 5
#14 Oh so funny, never heard that one before. You are so clever aren't you?
omgshaylaaa 0
awh 16 so pleasant of you to comment :) thanks for the feed back :)
il_bastardo 0
9 said it...
gators1995 30
I would love it if my future gf gave me a massage
omgshaylaaa 0
haha ewhh op you probably have scaly old crocodile hands. rub some lotion on those hands and you and your bf will have a better time than just a neck rub :)
mfjerome 0
Don't strangle people!
chowE_fml 4
haha!
iMOTHERHUMPERi 0
next time suck on his kanoodle
B1ACKR3IGN 3
Win
DocBastard 40
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I say the way to a man's heart is through his sternum.
FMLforALL 0
with a sharp knife.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Nah, DocBeast rips it open with his bare hands!
iMOTHERHUMPERi 0
doctors dont use bare hands. thats unsanitary.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
You're thinking of "bear" hands. No offense to my good friend Winnie the Pooh, but that would be unsanitary!
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
koriee22- beautiful... on the op, he's gay fir sure.... drop that moron and find yourself a regular dude!!!
maybaybe 0
^
Alexx4 0
i like your fringe:)