Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was "really his own best friend." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend'. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML
Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML
Today, I went on a blind date and mistook someone else at the restaurant for my date. We had a great conversation… until the real blind date arrived. The look on both their faces was priceless. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
Today, I had a blind date. When I went to meet him, he shouted to my friend, “What the fuck dude? You didn’t tell me I’d be on a date with Miss Piggy! Fuck this shit!” and then stormed off. I haven’t had a date in 6 years and I bought the best outfit and got my hair done to make an impression. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
what a dummy, haha!!
sourgirl101 29
Were you dating Jeff Dunham? Because he's funny as hell! "I kill you!"(:
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Comments (84)
klovemachine 24
what a dummy, haha!!
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
if things got heated I wonder which wood she would suck first?
pertained 12
jeff-fa-fa Dunhaaam?
Kn0wledge123 21
Did the dummy reveal any skeletons in his closet? Did the skeletons say they'll kill you if you aren't silent?
Mitcha857 0
Hey, it could be fun if OP likes getting fisted
redbluegreen 41
The faceless can't be too choosy.
Takador 3
Dissaster Date :)
Miss_Michaela 10
Was it an interesting conversation?
DrJesse 10
i'd like to know the answer to this as well.
Juliaa15 6
I was thinking that; and I was thinking it was only one date. The OP can get over it because it's one helluva story to tell and a funny memory. (:
Alexitis1 3
ur pic... epic
Miss_Michaela 10
Thanks. :) It was one of my bored days. :P
sourgirl101 29
Were you dating Jeff Dunham? Because he's funny as hell! "I kill you!"(:
Marzee 14
on a stick!
docscientist 10
He has to be one of the lamest comedians out there... besides Carlos Mencia.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Who's "He"?
CitrusGirl 0
I kind of have to agree with Doc. You can only watch the same routine so many times... If he could come up with new jokes I'd like him.
sxe_beast 11
I think Dane Cook has both Jeff Dunham and Carlos Mencia beaten for worst comedians ever.
Kn0wledge123 21
Oh God. I thought I was the only one who realized how garbage Dane Cook is. I only like his "alone in the elevator" bit. Everything else is whack-sauce. Kevin Hart FTW.
CitrusGirl 0
Ok, I agree that Dane Cook is far worse than Jeff Dunham.
DjeePee 25
I'm going to be honest: if that happened to me, I would just walk away.
Killerturtle 11
RUN !!!!
mrahhhhh 21
Never trust a man who has his hand up someone's back.
dgr8ing 0
don't you mean a puppets butt?
coolkid_matt 11
o.O creep!!
mcintosh123 15
Says by the guy with Joker picture.
kalejaxson 5
Give his dummy a kiss goodnight. Maybe next time he'll think twice about bringing it.
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
might get off on that kind of thing 0.o
Ella1782 0
I call BS. This is exactly what happened in a book, "Secrets of a Shoe Addict". OP probably got this from there.
mightymart 5
i too am having a hard time believing it.. but then again there are a lot of stupid creeps in the universe
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
so the world is just that dull. nothing can ever happen that happened in a book/movie. are you really that stupid?
Ella1782 0
No children, things that happen in books and movies can happen in real life. But its highly unlikely that something this ridiculous actually happened. There's no need for you to be rude or call me names just because you don't agree with my comment. Grow up.
Jaxx66 21
'cracker bitch'? so racial slurs aren't possibly in the EULA type thing either, are they? can't be a hypocrite there, bud.
Ella1782 0
Again, no need to name call. Calm yourself down.
Jaxx66 21
lol. you just have so many imaginative things put together. well I won't poke the retard kid anymore, it wouldn't be fair anyhow. (btw. using the word 'cracker' in that way is in fact racial. just like a White person versus a black person saying 'nigga')
tylerquick99 0
**** you