Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I'd planned on treating myself to a spa day. I'd booked a massage and was so relaxed that I fell asleep during it. When I woke up, I realized that I had drooled all over the massage table. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
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Top comments
sarah8909 0
Do you know how much that sort of stuff costs in a salon? Don't be so ungrateful :p
BlackWolfVII 0
Maybe your boyfriend's got chunky thighs you've never noticed before.
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Comments (101)
babydoll86_fml 0
#52 is an idiot who must never be allowed to procreate. This FML made me kinda sad. I think the FML here is that she thought he was giving her a massage to be kind and loving to her, but it was really just because he wasn't happy with her body and was trying to change her. That's quite hurtful :( Maybe buy him a penis pump?
menelie 0
Let me know if it works. :P
braFTW 0
Come on, if he doesn't like your cellulite he doesn't like you for I've never even seen a girl without those...
mattmag 0
he's trying to make you hotter, he's trying to make you feel better by saying anything, and he's giving you a nice massage. ungrateful bitch.
Floatout2sea 0
Does it work? And if so, what is this book and where can I get it?!
flyfallfadeaway 0
aww come on hes just trying to help you out. you cant tell me you wouldnt be happy if all your cellulite were to disappear. AND you get a massage. shitson lets just trade boyfriends
pfindley 0
i agree its ****** up that he was doing that... but ur fat for a reason.... eat healthy and find some sort of activity w/ exercise in it... there is no excuse for fat people b/c 95% of them are fat due to their own doing... go to the gym
tiltwrestler 0
To sum up the sentiments of most everyone, and myself: You didn't exactly deserve it, but you can't get mad at your boyfriend either! He was giving you a free massage, giving his time and effort, AND helping you get rid of cellulite- all at the same time! And plus- you KNOW you have cellulite! What- did you magically think he was going to overlook it, or not see it, or forget about it? You know DAMN WELL that he sees your cellulite every time you guys bang! On the flip side, dont be self-conscious. This boyfriend is OK with it, and thats all that matters- hes a good guy, you should stick with him. PS if you were so self-conscious about cellulite... try a little exercise and stuff to get rid of it? there ARE options!
kjia 0
doesn't mean anything
tsktsktsk 0
he's trying to help you!