Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I'd planned on treating myself to a spa day. I'd booked a massage and was so relaxed that I fell asleep during it. When I woke up, I realized that I had drooled all over the massage table. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
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Top comments
sarah8909 0
Do you know how much that sort of stuff costs in a salon? Don't be so ungrateful :p
BlackWolfVII 0
Maybe your boyfriend's got chunky thighs you've never noticed before.
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Comments (101)
HeyyyBrahhh 0
Lol. Well, he was trying to do you a favor.
papertigers_fml 0
hey i would be mad too. but if it actually works, then i'd forgive him. god i wish i could get rid of this cellulite. :P
qwerty123456789 0
Maybe he wasn't giving you that massage but was just browsing through the book and stopped on that page because he found it amusing.
guitardedman 0
11 = wrong. get a treadmill hoe.
liv_fml 0
#11 You are an idiot. I'm a size 0, run everyday, yet I still have cellulite on my thighs. Sometimes it's impossible to get rid of. I assume you aren't a girl so you probably don't know any better.
liveitlearnit 0
11 = correct. crack a book, 15. in fact, most women who are overweight have LESS visible cellulite than, because the fat solidifies over time. cellulite shows little puckers and is usually on the fattier areas of thinner people, or the thinner areas of fatter people.
kk_fml 0
Wow you must have a LOT of cellulite for your boyfriend to be so disgusted that he actually goes out and buys a book to help you get rid of it.
Nakedsquirrel 5
Hey, a massage is a massage, and it's not like he came out and said you're fat.
Rose20 0
Most guys wouldn't do what your boyfriend did. Be grateful.
UrLifeDoesntSuck 0
Let's assume his massage was intended to get rid of cellulite - your boyfriend was being extremely tactful about it. Just enjoy the massage.