Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
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Top comments
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Now she's definitely not going to eat your meat!
IceyJustin 1
Yeah real smooth.
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Comments (140)
IceyJustin 1
Yeah real smooth.
ell_oh_ell 0
I dunno I still think that counts as a compliment
silvermoonstar3 3
Definitely still a nice thing to say. I'm veggy, and I don't have salad often. I certainly wouldn't call it a meal!
Acousticpixie14 6
That was still a nice compliment, whether she's a veggie or not. And that was really rude of her to be so venomous to him.
freelove_fml 2
I agree that it counts as a compliment. As a retarded dumbfuck anti-smooth compliment, to be precise.
CommonSenseKarma 17
I don't understand how that simple comment could be so offensive to a vegetarian, unless it was a very guilty, defensive vegetarian. I guess I'm just like all the other dumb ***** who think it's a compliment, and who are wrong for thinking logically that it was a compliment. I'm going to go die now.
Acousticpixie14 6
Seriously...like I said, so what if she was a vegetarian? I eat salads all the time and I'm not a veggie. So should he have assumed that since she was eating a salad she MUST be one? That's ridiculous.
freelove_fml 2
No he shouldn't. Point is, even if she's not, the compliment is still retarded cause she might be eating a salad just cause she ******* LIKES it.
piiing 0
good reason to die...
TheDrop 0
this was more of a "FML people are making excuses not to talk to me again"
xk75 4
it's rude to insult her choice of dish. it's rude to assume she's on a diet. it's just plain RUDE to make an unsolicited evaluation of a complete stranger's meal!
CommonSenseKarma 17
102 aye no rite
Acousticpixie14 6
He never actually assume that that was why she was eating a salad. He was simply making a compliment out of it. I'm a woman, and I'm saying that that wasn't rude, so I'm not just some ignorant man that doesn't understand. Anyone who thinks he was wrong to say that is really just being over sensitive.
rallets 23
shouldve just played with your balls
syddyb 0
I'm a veggie and I rarely eat salad. Just sayin'. (:
bfad2010 0
u should have continued to say something about the dressing and that u meant she couldve had ranch instead
Dandukas 0
I bet you get all the girls Oo
ShadyFTW1 0
102, what the **** is that in your picture?
piiing 0
206- it's a cow :)
slightlypyro1996 4
136, I see what you did there....
ShrukiantheMad 0
That's just a guy being a guy.. We really don't have a filter... for anything... >.>
crankg 3
doesnt matter ?! also veggies can eat fat and carbs ?!
krizleykrislo 4
#1 rule of being smooth- Opening with a line about a girl's appearance will rarely (if ever) get you anywhere. It's easy, standard, and unimpressive. Another rule of being smooth- Never comment on a woman's weight or what she eats unless she brings it up first or if you know her and are commenting that she lost weight. Rules man. Gotta follow them or you'll just get more dirty looks.
emilycardona7 18
I thought he said that because he thought she had an ED?
Rizzie0512 18
#44 it wasn't rude of her. it was rude of him to solicit her attention when she is just trying to eat a salad. I wouldn't call it a compliment. More like an obnoxious way to try and talk to a woman who is enjoying her salad in PEACE.
junjunbun 28
No. 286 I agree with you, it's not a compliment, it's a rude statement. I love salads and I eat them regularly even if I'm not vegetarian, no one really has any right to comment on my choice of food. How would you react if anyone said you shouldn't eat a Pizza because you're beautiful? It's the same thing just with different dishes.
Falcon_My_Life 0
smooth...
iSitt 0
how can you tell someone is a vegetarian? They'll tell you.
Shyke 0
Not true. Most of my friends don't find out until we go out to eat.
funnyFMLSplz 0
lol
Suchagoonnn 4
what? can you teach me how to dougie?
baden18830 5
run the other way! not always a freak, but usually means either a PETA person or a health nut, aka Fanatically stupid, or plain old stupid, respectively, since meat can actually be healthy, imagine that
VeganVampyre 27
263- I'm sure that meat *could* be healthy, but it usually isn't since they pump the animals full of all kinds of unnatural hormones and chemicals. Not to mention the bacteria and poop that frequently get into the meat when they slaughter the animals. So don't call someone stupid just because they don't want to eat hormones and E. Coli.
josephhhhhh 0
idiot why would you even care... leave them alone
therealdavid 0
Maybe there were bacon bits in her salad and felt guilty.
Fuqtastic 0
Maybe he likes women you fagget.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Now she's definitely not going to eat your meat!
nybsucubos 5
WIN^^
BT14 5
ok enough with win,epic & fail it's played out
MrBaxter 5
FAIL^
piiing 0
#88- you're a fail
whippymcdumb4zs 0
88 wins at epically failing.
jbsington 8
^WI- *explosion*
dezinspaaace 0
#88 STFU.
FML858 0
LMAAO #88 : YOUR FACE IS PLAYED OUT. BETCH.
yesiyes 0
88^^ Fails in life
Suchagoonnn 4
stop being so mean
basem_fml 1
#88 you epically fail at winning
Grimmerie 31
88 has tiger blood.
stayawakee 0
YDI for being a dick and judging her on hat she was eating. Not everyone has to eat burgers and steaks. Salads are just as delicious and alot more healthier. Just because a girl eats a salad doesn't mean they think they're fat or on a diet.
JazzytheMan 3
How is complimenting her and saying she's beautiful a jerk move? I thought it was kind of sweet. He wasn't judging, just making a pick up line.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
More healthier?
letsgetouttahere 3
More healthier makes no sense. It's either more healthy or healthier. FYL.
fiveonefiveoh 0
"more healthier" makes fine sense. it may not be grammatically correct, but it makes sense.
Bobissmall 13
Where the **** do you get salad that tastes as nice as burgers? :<
docscientist 10
Lettuce is hardly healthy.
xNephilim 19
True, lettuce is mostly water... It's... Just not unhealthy. Healthy food involves all kinds of stuff, like vitamins and whatnot.
whisperingeye13 0
how dare this jewbanger call a girl beautiful I am sincerely outraged.
whippymcdumb4zs 0
I'm sorry #5, but I have revoked you privilege to ever speak in the presence of another human being, ever again, for fear their head might explode.
Kua_Mei 0
#108: Are you revoking 5's right of speech because of his/her grammar skills (or lack thereof)? If so, then your comma splices hurt my eyes. Oh, and you used "their" rather than "his/her."
honeybunches88 5
-You also left off the r in 'your' :)
KeefB 0
#81, What the **** is a 'jewbanger'??? Is it a womanizer that only ***** jewish girls?
daeval14 0
Ok first off, 5 is retarded. It was an easy mistake to make and he's certainly not a dick for making it. Second, 36, more healthier makes absolutely no sense since it isn't grammatically correct. And third, 131, their use of their was absolutely correct seeing as 108 wasn't talking about a specific human being.
insanesna1l 0
you don't make friends with salad
Fuqtastic 0
And you have a children's movie character as your picture. I guess they do teach English at a decent level in 3rd grade.
Grimmerie 31
it's actually "more healthful". juuuust sayin.
VeganVampyre 27
20- it's a jerk move because as he was complimenting her, he was also implying that he assumed she was anorexic or had some other issue with her body because she wasn't eating a "proper meal", just a salad. And telling a thin person they need to eat more is just as insulting as telling an overweight person to eat less.
RabidLimaBeans 16
So much anger. #5 sounds like a vegetarian. . .
bravesfan112233 0
take your shoes off and throw the baseball
ImaginaryFoe 1
YDI for having a terrible pickup line. "You're not fat" isn't the best way to scrape acquaintance with someone.
annabanananaa11 0
But the way he said it wasn't just implying that she shouldn't be on a diet because she isn't fat, he was saying she was beautiful, not just "not fat"
_cassandra__fml 4
I agree. But I think the bigger problem is that he automatically assumed that when a girl eats a salad, she is eating scarcely. Salad is great. I can say with certainty that I'm not eating very healthily most of the time, but even I like to get a salad from time to time, just because I like it.
VeganVampyre 27
Also, some salads can actually be pretty filling, since you can put just about anything in them. I've had salad with stuff like tofu, nuts, or portobellos, that really fill you up.
Troll1 0
you should've offered to toss her salad
MissFukMyLuck 0
Epic
yesiyes 0
word.
Suchagoonnn 4
hi im 12 and what is this
dwold91 3
Oral sex.
fthku 13
Suchagooon- It means brainstorming. So if you need to toss the salad, it means you need to brainstorm. OP, FYL for hitting on a bitchy girl, YDI because it IS quite rude to say what you said. And no, it doesn't matter if she was vegetarian or not. You came off as more creepyjust weird to me.
Gummybears4life 0
You deserve it for being a cheese-ball.
KeefB 0
CHEESE ******* BALL!
strength413 8
I bet she could even drink two percent milk if she wanted.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I think #11 was making a reference to Napoleon Dynamite.
ScaryyMary 14
#11 failed, it's whole milk. Not 2%.
tinayoufatlarddd 0
I was about to say goddamn get the reference right before you swept in and saved the day. (: hell, my FML name is a reference to Napolean Dynamite.
ScaryyMary 14
EAT THE FOOD! >:O
DcommaChloe 3
Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!