Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML
Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
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Top comments
Emmamazing 26
Well, she's not wrong.
TeasinDaNoobs 16
Whenever theres a girl around, guys tend to dumb down.. Better luck next time OP
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Comments (104)
TeasinDaNoobs 16
Whenever theres a girl around, guys tend to dumb down.. Better luck next time OP
mds9986 24
How is asking for cream cheese flirty?
weswheatley 14
I assume innuendo, but other than that, I got nothing
Tora_Fang 5
it was probably a conversation starter
jkp1291 25
Picking up woman at the grocery store. Classy.
MRSwick2525 23
Even better that they asking where the Cream Cheese is was being flirty.
Brandi_Faith 34
Picking up a girl at a grocery store I can at least somewhat understand. Asking where the cream cheese is as a way of flirting?? This is why that person is single. When you flirt you are supposed to be hinting at the fact that you're interested. Any normal shopper asks where things are, how are you being any different? How is that flirting??
MisterEx 28
I don't know, #36. Every time I ask a girl where can I find cream cheese, panties on a 2 miles radius start dropping furiously.
MRSwick2525 23
@47, I just actually laughed out loud at your comment. Either you have a smooth voice or some serious game then. Either way, I applause you sir!!!
saloomi2012 10
dw op same thing happened to me, it is really awkward at first but then you just laugh it off
SubparAtBest 23
You asked where the cream cheese was?
Emmamazing 26
Well, she's not wrong.
MdMan2 23
Well, I don't know if I would want someone trying to pick me up while I'm doing my shopping. Just my 2 cents.
RenoTheRhino 30
She wasn't shopping.
chinaski7628 32
She was working. Even worse.
thuglife69420 6
Yeah it would've been a way better approach to sit in the parking lot until she got off work and then follow her to her car. That's what usually works for me
False_Stupidity 42
You forgot to mention the chloroform as well #53, makes 'em fall for you every time.
shessohighh 10
Nice try OP. Maybe next time just say hi.
stylinfree 7
what a rude ****
Cassandra2015 21
what a rude ass you are for calling a girl that ..
1dvs_bstd 41
#19 "for calling a girl that" ... what does her gender have to do with his rudeness?
MRSwick2525 23
#7, not matter how rude a woman is, you NEVER call her that. Just because she said what she said does not warrant you calling her the C word. That's a Dick part on you for making that comment.
slingerslasher 24
that's a D-word move. might as well censor words for both genders huh
a1_z9 10
You could call everyone dick-*****, that's true gender equality.
Aimeejasmine 15
Really 7? What a vile person you are. Who the hell wants to be bothered by customers for questions as pointless as that whilst you're trying to get through your shift? Granted, OP didn't realise how ridiculous their question was, although they should realise people like to just get on with it at the work place, not face the consequences of 'slacking off' if their boss caught them flirting. I literally cannot believe the language people use about absolute strangers; how dare that woman not be joyful to that one person in her day, I know let's abuse them online..
toaster87 19
@74 she's at a place of business, and she didn't know the guy was trying to flirt with her, you don't call a customer an idiot for asking a question. There have been countless times when I was at the supermarket, and overlooked an item that was near me and had to ask an employee for help. Yes the OP is horrible at flirting, but she had no clue that he was trying to flirt, so there was no reason to call him an idiot.
Matheo_fml 21
Cheesie pickup lines never work!
saloomi2012 10
you never say pun intended, you're supposed to leave it for the reader to find out -.- edit: thx for editing
AkBunny907 18
well punned
mexican_music 13
Ok
MyNameIsLaughter 18
Maybe ask for her number next time?