Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I was at a party and saw this girl who used to be overweight. She'd lost a significant amount of weight and looked so good, I went to chat her up. She immediately told me to get lost. According to her, if I "didn’t appreciate her at her worst, I don’t deserve her at her best." FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
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Top comments
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Now she's definitely not going to eat your meat!
IceyJustin 1
Yeah real smooth.
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Comments (140)
Inspired22 11
Yeah, I think it's a good rule of thumb to avoid talking about eating, weight, etc. when hitting on a girl.
holycraplions 4
Worst. Line. Ever. Women only laugh with salad when they're ALONE.
RyNo24 4
she deserves it for being a hippy vegetarian...
KeefB 0
'Hippy' as is 'hipster' or the old school hippies?
dudeitsdanny 10
Or maybe she had big hips?
SweetnessMallory 0
I guess it wasnt your fault you were just trying to be nice. How were you supposed to know?
Zebidee 9
Just because you can see her, doesn't mean you should hit on her. If I had a dollar for every time a girl was sitting, minding her own business, eating her lunch, but secretly thinking "I wish some socially awkward guy would come up and try a pick-up line on me", I'd have less money than KaySL's kissing booth.
Zebidee 9
You're not using the term 'life energy' in its conventional sense, are you? No ****.
Zebidee 9
Batter up, sunshine! No ****.
DocBastard 40
*hits thumbs down on this whole ******* thread repeatedly* You sick *****.
KeefB 0
There is a ******* bottle in the pelvis.
millionaire93 0
well she didn't have to be a bitch about it ad make you feel like shit tho.
greenlantern27 6
I would say that was still a nice compliment. The woman shouldn't have been that rude about it. She could have just laughed it off and said politely, "I'm actually a vegetarian, but thanks!".
mask724 7
most vegetarians are like liberal women Bitchy
ohhoho 2
So awkward.
Calyx_fml 22
That was a pretty lame attempt. Next time try introducing yourself and ask if you can join her. KISS = Keep it simple, stupid.