Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
sesamehood 0
what else could it be a baby ?
Getxscared 0
Redddddddd Rocket; Yummmmmmmm
Lil_Killah 0
No offense but ur stupid even my 5 year old cousin knows what the "pink thing" is
brandybaby1204 0
LMFAO DUMMY
mrmerino 0
wow only a real feminist would overlook a penis...
socalduude879 1
That's what is known as a red rocket :|
kduubb 7
WOW... your dumb
allIcansayisseri 0
um I believe it is "you're dumb" if you insist on calling someone dumb please make sure you don't look like an idiot in the process. Not suggesting you're an idiot, I just don't understand why people can not use your and you're in the proper way now-a-days! (Same with their, there and they're) Has everyone gotten that lazy, or is it just poor education?
Salvaka 0
Some people just don't give a damn.
blacksswan 10
I am actually interested in knowing what the vet's reaction was.
Sketchisan 27
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it was "RUKIDDINGME? BWAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAH! *falls on floor laughing*"
randomreader2315 4
If I were the vet, I'd be pissed off that some retarded girl wasted my time due to the fact she couldn't recognize a dog penis.
blacksswan 10
lol. I wonder how much was she charged just to hear in the end "it is his penis."
Andrewlostnow 3
Ha Ha??
hall1234 0
not the sharpest tool in the shed ay