Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
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Top comments
tehaustiebear 34
That's pretty... Shocking.
katamine 17
Sooo... You're a hamster
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Comments (51)
perdix 31
I'll bet when you get down to the bare metal, it leads to some entertaining dancing. Something like The Elaine, perhaps?
senor_awesome 14
Maybe this is how Psy comes up with his shit...
safaeita 32
hhh this is a funny fml hhh made my day, I can't get the image out of my mind hh lol
CharresBarkrey 16
What are all the h's for?
kozzard 17
silent laughter
OrangeKnife 10
... Dafuq did I just read?
Steve95401 49
You must be a real live wire at parties.
charvisioku 22
You and my bunnies would get on like a house on fire.
twinkiefeets 17
It wasn't my dog that chewed the Xmas tree it was drunk op!
Enslaved 38
It also depends on what you drink. Wine makes you silly and fall in love with the world (and by then, it's no longer--A Small World). Beer makes you pee all night and you'll get mad that you wore those hard to take down button fly jeans! And Tequila makes you regret you didn't read the "Girls Gone Wild" fine print before you flashed your ****. :P
twinkiefeets 17
What drink makes you chew on electrical cords?
Enslaved 38
Hmmmm I'd say Jägermeister. If you look at the bottle's logo it'll read "Oh, Dear God!" (:
smallshaft 10
Moonshine will make you chew on electrical cords.
twinkiefeets 17
Thanks for the info :)
kalbrek009 20
Simple fix...don't get drunk anymore. If you can't control your behavior, then what ever you're doing (like drinking or drugs)..it's obvious that is NOT the thing for you to do...common sense: 1 You (so far): 0...lets try to change this score & in the process save your life from electrocution...that is, unless maybe you think "shock" therapy might help...if that's the case please let a trained professional administer the "shocks".
cheshireau 26
Well I cry and inappropriately grope people, think yourself lucky. I'd rather that.
MrThumbsItUpMan 8
I bet you are gonna have a shocking experience and your not to bright on chewing on electrical cords