Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
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Top comments
tehaustiebear 34
That's pretty... Shocking.
katamine 17
Sooo... You're a hamster
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Comments (51)
Azula272 14
Like a Rodent!
j3ebrules 13
You and my bunny are similar.
thefuckinloser 6
Now make sure you keep the cords you chew on plugged in , and just maybe you will learn that chewing on electrical cords is more ******* stupid the making out with people when your drunk. How old are you? Are you old enough to drink in your state?
LeFrogDog 27
The person did not state that the cords were plugged in.
jmanh 6
I can relate to that. I shoved a paper clip in an outlet and got electrocuted
Krimzon 5
Being drunk is NO excuse to do something that stupid.
UltimateGIRness 16
SqueakyChipmunk, did you post this FML?
Chris93Jones 20
I wonder if anyone tries to stop you, or do they just wait for you to get zapped
Oceanu 14
Damn, I hope I'm not that kind of drunk
BamBAmGG 14
Omg, haha OP's drunk self is my dog in human form. OP, You and my dog have bonding material there, trying to electrocute yourselves to death and all.