dantko
Dearborn, United States
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Conroe, United States
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
Anonymous
Tasty
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Helen
Pine Bluff, United States
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
fml9124
United States
Mixology
Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML
UnluckyGroom
East Wenatchee, United States
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
allennn
France
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
France
Explain yourself
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Anonymous
Canada
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
bmonehh
United States
Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML
Top comments
maxhhh 18
Sounds like she dropped the ball. *ohhhh*
junkman6 22
I guess her resolution was to get a new husband.
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Comments (75)
maxhhh 18
Sounds like she dropped the ball. *ohhhh*
Kamon97 23
At least he got the first FML of 2014 ;D
junkman6 22
I guess her resolution was to get a new husband.
ThatsMyPie 20
#2, maybe she thought it was her husband? I doubt that OP will annul his marriage over this.
junkman6 22
-_- And people have yelled at me for putting (incoming sarcasm) before blatantly sarcastic remarks.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
WELL THEN DON'T SAY SHIT LIKE "incoming sarcasm" OK?!
False_Stupidity 42
The whole point here #19 is that #5 missed #2's sarcasm because he DIDN'T warn of it.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I was joking, you goat!
junkman6 22
Hah! That's what you get for not putting (incoming sarcasm)!!! The comments on this are bad for my bruised ribs, I can't stop laughing.
xSonic 9
Ah. New Years. Nothing like starting off by killing your liver :)
Dalleee 29
well we don't need it anyway :/
JaneChemi_fml 21
I really hope..... actually no... carry on
M1DGET_MOOSE 7
@18 Yeah.. Because filtering your blood or anything it not important-_-
buddy_J 16
Is #18 being serious.... He sounds serious... Faith in.... Humanity ... Slipping... The stupidity, it.. Burns
MrRazzle 4
Burns like cheap vodka, #34.
FlyingPie 17
I don't think #18 was being serious, guys..
bomzo 22
Thats gonna be a great talk in the morning.
buddy_J 16
It's going to be a great story to be told each year to friends and family
bomzo 22
Lets just hope this doesn't end up being a family tradition.
coltsfan567 3
I've had the worst New year's day. ever getting broken up with my dream girl at 1 in the morning FML
CarbonCoach 11
What was the guys reaction? Did he just go with it? Haha, If he had a girlfriend or wife you could have kissed her.
crazydanilo 13
Way to start 2014 haha
ThomasBombadil 31
Ummm, where were you? And what were you doing? When the ball dropped?
gracehi 33
Not kissing his wife, apparently.
davidislost 11
Mistletoe must've been plotting something..
StompinOnCrayons 15
A drunk mind speaks a sober heart, and a drunk body gets into bed with anyone, whilst wearing beer goggles ect...
relaxeazy 24
You have the upper hand now! Use it wisely
ThomasBombadil 31
Come on now, what guy ever uses the upper hand wisely. We always squander it. Always.
DanielRamirez 10
Hall pass!