Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I was at a friend's party and tried to lean casually against a wall while talking to someone. I missed the wall and ended up stumbling backwards into the punch bowl that was atop the coffee table. FML
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Top comments
Tpracingkg 15
Darwinism
theherd 4
Bye children!
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Comments (155)
theherd 4
Bye children!
error404n0tf0und 21
and bye dignity
biggestfan23 11
and bye high sperm count
jameen 11
Hello YouTube fame
ovechkinisbeast 9
Talk about a fake fml....
Sinamoi 18
If this is the kinda stuff OP pulls, maybe it's best if he doesn't reproduce.
KingCeltic77 18
He cant reproduce now, he just fried his swimmers.
fishstick557 14
Please tell me it was a stun gun... Not the one that shoots out needles
mzrobinson 13
Good! The earth doesn't need any more idiots!
Nicholi124 10
Did you get hit by a car too :)??? Ediot
blackman100 20
You shouldn't be allowed to breed. Oh wait! You can't!
lockyz 10
I agree, that's the reason I hate weak people in society , they do that kind of dumb things
Tpracingkg 15
Darwinism
fuzz97 23
I actually read a story in The Darwin Awards that was very similar to this one
Dean3000 6
Is it the one where the guy said he was still looking for his testicles?
jameen 11
Natural selection
tj5810 21
Natural selection... My thoughts exactly. I'm not sure how this guy didn't deserve this 100%
EnterSandman_fml 20
Brilliant!
someguy314159265 15
We can only look forward to the moment he becomes this drunk again.
TotFCerberus 11
this is the best comment to any post, that I've ever seen on here
TorisaurusRexxx 10
You're an idiot. That's stupid even for someone who is drunk.
snakerake 10
You can't always control what you do when you're drunk. Although you can control how drunk you get
wlddog 14
I dont believe that 55. Getting drunk does not magically make you do random things. Of all the times I was smashed, I never did anything I secretly didnt already want to do. Yes you make made dumb decisions when intoxicated, but you are still the one making the choice. Unless of course that choice is to have perfect balance. That is not always a choice.
snakerake 10
I get why you think that. I thought that way for awhile too. Then I got blackout drunk a couple times and was told of what I did. I had no recollection of what happened and felt like a dick for some things, but it's not an excuse. You may not be in control at that moment, but you let yourself get out of control. That is your fault
OptimusVader 23
In my opinion, any FML that contains the phrase "I got drunk and..." is an automatic 'you deserved it.' The entire situation could've been avoided if OP would've avoided alcohol. There, problem magically solved. Plus he would still be able to procreate.
jellycorn 13
Blame it on the firewhiskey
Czech_Zidane 14
Not even "avoided alcohol" needed. One should "drink like a cow" - that is one Czech proverb we use, translated it would sound like that: "Always drink like a cow. The cow always know, when enough is enough."
Dadothy 8
Oh my gosh that joke is AMAZING.
mattlw 25
Yeah, what a shocking punchline!
MsSoulReaper 27
You sure know how to party OP..
amDes 11
Who else would being a teaser to a party? A good ole party animal that's who! "I brought the beer pong table and teaser! Who has the chip dip and bear spray?!"
TheRandomIndian 17
Teaser
crazytwinsmom 25
'being a teaser' ? I think some of the commenters are drunk too.
Czech_Zidane 14
Teaser... yes, teaser. And they come in their UNDERWARE and yell "Hell, YOUR a party animal, not some damn LOOSER" and so on?
Mikeskinner 7
That must've been shocking. Must have drove you nuts as well.
NoDontKillMe 19
Win!
Sandsh8rk 36
No.
euphoricness 28
So what is this? A win or a fail? I'M CONFUSED!!
Sandsh8rk 36
Don't worry, I am too...
MrConcise 35
Hey, bettering the chances a drunk chick will sleep with you because they think you can never have kids now.
amDes 11
Right, because from now on he will have "tasered balls" tattooed on his forehead.
MrConcise 35
If you're drinking, you're probably not drinking alone. What the guy did was a definite YDI and entirely idiotic, but chances are there were some spectators. You don't do "jokes" for yourself.
heinous966 15
How intelligent. I'm interested to know what sort of joke tasting yourself in the balls is though.
FightMyLiger 19
'Taste testing' yourself in the testes is a touch more taboo than testing your taser on your testes, though both are distasteful.
jojimugo 20
When alcohol is involved sense usually takes a back seat .
not_a_robot 15
It is a very shocking joke. Ba dum, tissssssssss.
Dean3000 6
Normally FML's are based around unfortunate circumstances that everyday people encounter - but this one is something that the guy did to himself, and thought it was a joke?! Not to sound like a Moral Crusader, but the standard on here is slipping. Pity.
heyitsvanessaa 9
Wow, that takes balls.
MsSoulReaper 27
That are now fried..
TheRandomIndian 17
Thoroughly cooked