Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Pour some more funny!
Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML
Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML
Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML
Jack-in-the-box
Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML
Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML
Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML
Snitches get stiches
Today, my ten year-old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore, I'm an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Top comments
cakefete2 31
You might just have the productivity equivalent of beer goggles. If you drink, set a limit. Don't use this as an "excuse" to descend into alcoholism.
Ayuki_fml 18
Looks like you found the secret to your productivity.
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Comments (45)
Ayuki_fml 18
Looks like you found the secret to your productivity.
MattM95 16
Some of the greatest people in the world were functional alcoholics, so I guess that's the silver lining.
sweetbliss3 37
secret? or maybe an excuse to drink. productivity probably is not any better. just like drunk people say they can drive and are better drivers. I don't think so.
riddle143 15
#29 opinions are like a**holes, everybody's got one. Alcohol is a stimulant, then a depressant as the effects sink in. So a heightened sense of awareness, increased productivity, and better driving skills are more than possible at first. Not saying go out and drive drunk to test the theory, I am saying I wish everyone would make more effort to base their opinions on facts.
sweetbliss3 37
never said I was basing anything on opinion. I was actually basing it on experience. I don't know anyone who is productive while drinking, whether just starting, or drinking all night. and those who decide to do something "productive" usually **** up what they're trying to do. I don't drink so this isn't about me, just people I've come across in my life.
ChristianH39 30
Alcohol is never a stimulant, it's effects can just feel like one.
DArthurVaderian 18
It's a poison
Sora_McKain 36
#29 In all actuality, my father WAS a much better driver while drinking. It was after he had been sober for three years that he got his license revoked for reckless driving. Yet for the countless years he drank and drove he never got so much as one speeding ticket. ? And that's the only positive opinion I have in regards to alcohol.
val_is_lame97 12
Well if it helps, then hey go for it
teyyoshi 19
alcoholic was bred
False_Stupidity 42
I know a lot of people that are more reproductive when drunk, I wonder if that's what OP really meant. :)
worldclassrager 41
Well your drinking is genetic but hey if things work out better with alcohol then keep at it Edit #2 beat me to it
illinoiscentral 16
Aw shit. Hope you'll find a way to work around it!!
abraybro 27
Make sure you don't become dependent on the alcohol, OP.
cakefete2 31
You might just have the productivity equivalent of beer goggles. If you drink, set a limit. Don't use this as an "excuse" to descend into alcoholism.
Dreamsorrow93 24
I'm more productive if I put off all my work until last moment. I get way more done a lot quicker.
kk21days 14
Since when does procrastination have anything to do with the topic of this FML?
Dreamsorrow93 24
The topic is bad and unhealthy habits that make like more efficient. Thus my response fits in since its a bad habit that becomes addictive just as easy.
Mynamewontfi 40
#7 I too get stuff done better and quicker when under pressure. It's pretty annoying imo. I don't understand the downvotes for your comment.
clmartinez1024 7
procrastinating has helped me pass more classes in high school, than anything else.
Dlzq 22
Well, get productive while sober. It's up to you how much work you put in.
weveallbeenthere 30
you may be more productive but the quality of your work probably sucks.
fsomelife 26
maybe it's the rare case of quantity, not quality
Mr23 9
Actually depending on what he does, it might be true. Studies show that if you're engaged in creative work (such as design, but less obviously stuff like programming), getting a "buzz" will legitimately increase your productivity by up to 30%. There's a reason why so many of the great artists were alcoholics. Of course that's not an excuse to get blackout drunk- your creative ideas are of no use to anyone if you don't have the coordination to draw them. Plus alcohol is actually excellent brain fuel (second only to glucose), so if you need to do a lot of thinking and don't have access to sweets, a small amount of liquor will do anyone more good than harm. But, yeah, you should look over your drunk work the next day. You know, just in case.
patrickeli 15
You're better off being adequate than an alcoholic.