Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
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Top comments
tehaustiebear 34
That's pretty... Shocking.
katamine 17
Sooo... You're a hamster
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Comments (51)
lashes_to_ashes 14
Ouch. That sounds dangerous.
BadKitty13 28
Hmmmmm .... Really ? Y D I
80skid 15
In your case, you should probably stop drinking.
CrazyManNo9 29
Copper deficiency!
micahdunk 13
Just wait it will be christmas lights next and you will be the cat from the movie, "Christmas Vacation."
drkrissy1331 12
Wow, darwin wins again!
CharresBarkrey 16
Not quite yet, as OP is still alive. But soon, I'm betting!
Cat_on_a_Mat 6
Are you my cat? :D
buckdharma 38
Don't worry op, when you do find someone, I'm sure you'll light up her life. In the meantime, crank up the AC/DC and stick to the 420, not the 220.
Twisted_Angel 17
rodent mode activated [√]
Taurus_ChicKa 37
It sounds like you were intentionally trying to get drunk so you had an excuse to make out with random people and dance around like an idiot. Instead, you chewed on electrical cords like a rodent. YDI for getting drunk whether you had a reason to or not (and I find wanting to make out with people while drink an invalid excuse).
CharresBarkrey 16
Interesting. It does kind of sound like that from the way it's worded.