Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML
Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
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Top comments
elliotm 0
this is the saddest tale I've heard on this site
amburger7345 3
it's sadder that you bought a Bluetooth, and also that you feel talking to yourself is not normal. most people talk to themselves.
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Comments (207)
xxdominicanqnxx 0
lol you funny!!!
AbenPede 2
pretty sad, but at the same time a clever idea. :)
wiserocker 0
As long as you dont answer youself in a different voice its ok
Clay_K 17
bahaha nice mental image :P
Autoshot 9
Be proud to be who you are.
MelissaMae 0
everyone talks to themselves... just not usually so detailed that they need to cover it up with a Bluetooth.
Philly_iz_Silly 0
i talk to my self because im the smartest person i know lol
J8CFC 0
don't petty yourself!! in fact, there is a study that discusses how people who talk to themselvs,,are SMART!! i talk to myself alot!!,,and what makes it normal,,is that i know all people do it too!! so don't worry,,ur not the first person who speaks to himself,,and u won't be the last!!
cindayy77 0
once I got caught talking to myself in 6th grade I think, and someone asked me, "are you talking to yourself?" and they looked at me as if I were crazy xD
bcbaby108 2
it's actually a good idea. don't worry I talk to myself all the time.
cbizkitten 0
I find myself doing the same thing in my car. Not the Bluetooth convo. That's just crazy