Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML
Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
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Top comments
elliotm 0
this is the saddest tale I've heard on this site
amburger7345 3
it's sadder that you bought a Bluetooth, and also that you feel talking to yourself is not normal. most people talk to themselves.
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Comments (207)
hazardoussmiles9 22
I talk to myself, just not out loud. Does that still count?
noboundary 9
28: that's ok, you're using your inside voice. *badumchh* lol
dufelbag 0
u are so cool I want to be just like u (not)
musicfreak9821 6
niether! talking to yourself is normal, actually almost everyone talks to themselves.
aimdya 5
talking to yourself in private or relatively private is one thing, taking it a step further and buying a bluetooth so you can do it all the time is putting you into the crazy category. Go find a good shrink and now before you really need one. Oh and p.s. everyone who walks around wearing a bluetooth, whether they are actually talking to someone or not, looks beyond completely psycho.
LTHoratioCaine 4
every businessman wears bluetooth nowadays
GODs_uncle 1
exactly 31's point, they are all psycho!
surferguy7979 1
people with blue tooths are the biggest douchebags!
noboundary 9
lol I'm amazed at what a space can do. people with blue teeth are crazy looking.
ChantelRenaeee 0
ehh they're both quite sad. get out and get some friends!!!!
yake12 0
Are you a boy or a girl?
yake12 0
Nevermind I just read your bio... FYI, you look like a boy
ilaleahcim 6
Careful what you say there yake, you wouldn't want anyone pointing out a few home truths about your appearance I'm sure...
sarapsosis 1
94- lmao
noboundary 9
94, lol well done.
LTHoratioCaine 4
but if you talk and respond to yourself, whats the point of the bluetooth? they hear you responding to yourself
iDrejer 0
Well lots of people talk with themselves, I do it too, but having a conversation with myself.... Never tried that I think Dx
twister21_fml 0
wow dude. you really need a life. both of them are sad. :|
shanbang 0
that's sad!
TheWorldGreatest 8
find some great friends.So you actually can talk to someone. Or buy yourself a dog that way they will just assume that your talking to the dog.