Kingspin
Canada
Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML
Top comments
UTTU 0
Let him go to sleep hearing the sound of a 12 gauge.
underpaid011 0
open the door then splash the very hot bacon grease on the asshole. then say "pick that mother ******" and for good measure kick him square in the sack, then in the face and ribs. then call the cops. don't forget to say "i was terrified!! I thought the guy was going to break in and kill me!!". blame the face and rib injuries on him "falling down".
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Comments (162)
Doomire 0
FIRST!!!!
kyarush 10
greet him with bacon grease and a hot pan.
ChantelRenaeee 0
op how was the bacon cooking WHILE you were asleep?
Matthew22666 0
Lmao I was actually about to ask who was making the bacon...
freddyisepic 2
damn i wish i knew what 1 said
Kingspin 0
My mom decided to get up early and make some breakfast. I got up, went upstairs, heard something wierd at the door and let my mom know.
heathersmorin 0
Obviously 83 lives alone... It's called someone else was cooking the bacon. It's not rocket science.
BIGxWILL 0
83 you mom was cooking the bacon
taleeeeeen 0
hahahahaha lol
TheVariableX 0
That ******** wanted some damn bacon...
SchiTzenGiglez 0
I want bacon so much now
levraea 0
hahaha
Fatalally 4
OP, you should have waited for him to get in and stand behind the door with a frying pan. The look on his face if he had saw you LOL.
BAMF18 0
what an asshole^^
amchan95 0
lol^^
princesszeebunny 0
sooo...the bacon was frying while you were sleeping? makes sense
Perksofbeingawal 0
LOL, whaattt...
182crazyking 9
Today, I was walking by a house when I smelled burning bacon. I thought the owner must've fallen asleep with the stove on, so I picked the lock. She wasn't asleep. FML
BAMF18 0
he wrote "first!"
chocobobreeder 4
If there was someone in your house cooking bacon, why didn't they notice that someone was trying to break in?
UTTU 0
Let him go to sleep hearing the sound of a 12 gauge.
butterflychic 0
hahahahah nice(:
muffpuncher 0
totally agree! wait til he walks in and BAM! shotgun blast to the grill yo!
RavenRiley007 4
Win!...or use the frying pan
MyNameIsBruce 0
This...Is My BOOMSTICK! It's a 12 gauge double barrel remington, S-mart's top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. Walnut stock, cobalt blue steel. Thats right, this sweet baby was made in grand rapids Michigan. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.
xledellz 0
That was a good one!
country868 0
that has got to be the best reply ever
skyeyez9 25
A shotgun blast to the face would stop the problem, but replace it with another: massive gory mess of brains, blood, bits of skull all over your kitchen. I'm not sure if the Merry Maid service covers bio hazards. There are "home defender" shot gun shells specifically for killing intruders with less mess.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
101 - Do you mean 10g Deer Slug rounds?
182crazyking 9
I always use Charlie Sheen rounds. More tiger blood.
MyNameIsBruce 0
It causes your target's face to melt off and make their children weep over their exploded body. 2x as effective against people who aren't winning, and 1/2 as effective against people with Adonis DNA
Albertrud 3
I think you've looked way too much in to this :p
cydvicious 0
whats the FML here? did the guy actually break in? I would have told him to skedaddle and then eaten the bacon someone else was kindly making for me on such a pretty day. was there any coffee?
zinoxity 23
29 - The cleavage is a lie!
firecapez1 0
lol, photoshop fail
zinoxity 23
53 - What photoshop fail?
MyNameIsBruce 0
56- The ****
zinoxity 23
58 - There was no photoshop involved, just a pushup bra.
SirEBC 7
Yeah, but I bet you losers will still jerk your little penises to her picture. Defend yourselves now, but when you're about to ejaculate all over your keyboard, SirEBC will haunt the back of your mind. That's me saying "I told you so."
zinoxity 23
29 - The cleavage is a lie! Pushup bras FTL. (FML = Guy sleeping, wakes up and someone has broken into their home.) Ha! I was off topic and on topic!
SirEBC 7
And of course, the ******* comments would disappear. That is great. Move along people, nothing to see here.
zinoxity 23
62 - No. There's **** for that.
sailorzoe 14
That's what I was thinking!!! Who made the bacon in the first place?! I love bacon<3
cydvicious 0
yeah, but OP doesn't say the guy actually broke in. plus, there was bacon. Bacon = no FML.
shannonreneee 11
No cleavage looks like that naturally, only if you have a boob job and that isn't natural. She probably has a bra with intense padding and in reality her boobs are AA.
prince122 0
stfu 62 no one said anything to her what are u talking about.
levraea 0
Maybe someone commented before and then deleted it? He said "and then all the ******* comments would disappear". He's basically trying to help the girl. Don't be an ass. Because obviously people are masturbating to her picture anyways. XP
RedPillSucks 33
Who clicked YDI? Was it for the bacon?
Naomiiiii 0
Probably some vegetarian bacon-haters! lol
daybowbow 0
I'm a vegetarian but I'll be goddamned if bacon isn't delicious.
LTHoratioCaine 4
instead of obviously directing attention to your very exposed due to a few zippers chest on a picture, how about you just make some bacon :)
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
I don't see how bacon was relevant to the FML anyway XD Maybe OP figured that putting bacon in his story would make it awesome. Well OP, it worked :D Everyone loves bacon. Even vegetarians apparently XP
RavenRiley007 4
that's not nice mr
QueenOfBoredom 0
bacon is always relevant. ALWAYS
Tuesdays76 0
^^ You have that look in your eye... That look that makes me think a lazer is about to shoot out of it.
WallyTheWombat 0
oh damn you're right^^^
MyNameIsBruce 0
Woah
nickdunbar 8
damn thats gotta be good bacon
joe_says_so 0
or a good ********.
Gondile 4
******** in the fryingpan and bacon trying to hack open the door?
DocBastard 40
Mmmmmm...ass bacon...even tastier than back bacon.
Tanya33 1
He just wanted to steal the bacon. I love the way you worded this. If i was drinking something, i probably would have spit it everywhere.
DeviousAngel 13
Well, the bacon's nice anyway! :)
joe_says_so 0
holy shit you don't own a facebook! weird-o.
DeviousAngel 13
Holy shit, you looked at my profile? Weirdo! ...Just kidding.
zombii7 5
I don't see the FML here. I understand that it was a nearly perfect morning, but he didn't actually get into your house. YDI for complaining.
zombii7 5
and now I don't understand why my comment was moderated? people can tear each other into emotional shreds that have nothing to do with the actual FML, but I can't state that I don't understand the point of why this one was chosen over others?