Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML
Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
elliotm 0
this is the saddest tale I've heard on this site
amburger7345 3
it's sadder that you bought a Bluetooth, and also that you feel talking to yourself is not normal. most people talk to themselves.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (207)
droplets 0
What's even "sadder" is that you don't know how to use the English language. The proper wording is "more sad".
IStoleTheCookies 16
Oh bore off. Get yourself a life instead of patrolling peoples grammar on FML.
froob 0
engrish is srs bizness
Egnar 19
No, what's "even sadder" is that the OP was able to articulate herself in a manner to which you were able to properly understand her without issue yet you still feel the need to play the grammar nazi card. Grow up! Sure, you want to make 'fn of da dude dat taks like dissss and tinks everting is k wit it all all dayyyyyy'?. . .Be my guest, that guy is properly a middle class white boy who thinks he's being cool by saving extra space on some lettering and adding tons of "y"s to words. But when you start getting into correct ways to word a phrase so as to please the "English Gods" you really need to reassess your own life. This isn't a dissertation, it's FMLife.com. And while it's true people should conduct themselves in a way in which they want to be viewed [with respect] that they should do their best effort to type legibly there are indeed far more pressing grammatical issues at hand than rewording a sentence that does indeed make sense just to satisfy an archaic rule.
suri23 11
thumbs up for creativity:-)
mzfoxy31 0
Wow!!!! The 2nd part of this fml is def the sadder part!
mazesm 11
sometimes I talk to my self outloud giving people how to directions on how to make oatmeal
momianajones 0
you definitely are odd. stop talking to yourself in public places. maybe talk to a mental health professional instead!
FuniezSarahLoves 0
theres something wrong with you, you also might wanna get that checked
toriluva 0
I think u should go to doctor phill do u Evan have friends MAKE SOME ur depressing me be och
heathersmorin 0
you need some punctuations here. Reading this comment was terrible and made my brain hurt! I won't go all grammar Nazi over the spelling error "Evan", my phone does that to me so I understand. But what's the last 2 words supposed to be? Or mean?
deOrca 8
You're depressing me bitch!
ars29 7
you need some help buddy
Egnar 19
Here's the skinny!. . .Everybody talks to themselves. It's a great way to work out problems you may be having by simulating a conversation with somebody else and weighing the pros and cons. It's easier for us to validate ideas and let evidence sink in when it's said verbally as opposed in our heads, it's pretty normal. However there is a difference between the crazy guy on the street having a conversation with himself about the color of his shoes and the guy walking down the street trying to decide if he should take his vacation in the winter and go skiing or in the summer and go to the beach. By telling us that you were so self-concious about this that you went out and bought a blutooth headset you're telling me that either you're just a completely nerve-racked individual with no self-esteem that is worried about what everybody around her thinks OR that you're aware that your habit of talking to yourself is a little bit outside of the normal spectrum. You should probably seek some kind of help to work out whatever issues you may be having OR sit down and evaluate yourself [ outloud :) ] to figure out what the root of all this may be.
GODs_uncle 1
Win!
Wiggy_78 0
I also talk to myself but getting a Bluetooth for it, that's just weird. You need help.