Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML
Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
elliotm 0
this is the saddest tale I've heard on this site
amburger7345 3
it's sadder that you bought a Bluetooth, and also that you feel talking to yourself is not normal. most people talk to themselves.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (207)
sarah_beth2008 7
well u have to talk to someone intelligent every now and then might as well let it be urself
chosha_fml 27
More people do that than you think. :) If people notice I pretend to be singing along to the radio.
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
ummm?? idk how 2 respond to this...
janet_r01 0
Ive sang into my phone before so i didnt look like a loser, but aperantly I still am. Lol
ald2008 0
I don't understand... just because you're not on your phone 24/7 makes you a loser?? Is this really what our society has become?? I don't even have a phone!!
j_cat187 20
u wear bluetooth u are crazy
RKD 23
Ha ha ha, don't worry, op I have thought about doing the same thing because I do the same thing-talking to yourself just shows you are really caught up in whatever you are thinking about, it is also a form of stress relief, more people do it than they would ever admit-I have a Master's degree in Psychology that says so!
Kaylababy2013 0
I have conversations like that too. your not the only one :)
Articwolf492 0
I laughed out loud when I read this.
MfailK 0
me: maybe I should post a comment.?. Me: nah it's lame. me: this guy doesn't seem that far out. Me: dude he bought a ******* blue tooth so he can pretend he's talking to someone!!!!!!!!!! me: haha good point Me: #1 looks like an odd duck wonder what his malfunction is me: #9 is hot tho me: she seems smart me: I'd hit that Me: man shut up go back to work
AkiraOhba 6
haha i did the same thing your not alone