Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
Reyo 2
What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?
paprikacha 9
It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )
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Comments (64)
GriefBacon 0
You're only supposed to leave the cucumbers on for like ten minutes.
PurpleKuSh_fml 0
if ur gay then maybe reyo
Flutist 3
Reyo, I suggest you purchase some toys for this type of thing. Just sticking a carrot in your ass might cause infection. I also suggest you work your way up to the carrot. Perhaps your boyfriend/sex slave can help you with this. I wish you and Op all the best with your fetishes. Though carrot in the ass is better than slathering yourself in ants and letting them nibble on you.
Flutist 3
If not cleaned right. Its the fact that raw carrots can be rought and cause abrasions thus causing irritation. If they cleaned it then the carrot would not cause problems. Also using a condom on top of the carrot prevents these sort of things. (This information was brought to you by my gay friend Jimmy.)
GiRIsMakingCupca 0
wait so the ants were trying to eat your eyes out ??! or is that just an expression?!
GruntOfAction 0
They were eating the things she put on her eyes. So almost.
skittleface 0
This is the first FML that has made me laugh out loud. God, I would hate to have ants on my face, much less on my eyes.
Bertha5 0
aha. ur lucky they didn't crawl into ur ears and eat ur brains. it's happened.
saladgirl123 0
lmao i really loled too.
Jenmaree 9
I find this really hard to believe.
Wii624 5
AHH! Cringe!
ryan007665 0
hahahaha reyo :]