Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML
Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
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Top comments
_Adog2645 24
I hate fire ants with a passion. My old house's yard in North Carolina was infested with them. Those things ******* hurt, I can't even imagine a ton of them biting my face.
crispiestsquid 4
How could you pick up a towel covered in ants and not realize it? Or why at the first bite did you not stop wiping?
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Comments (10)
Alup132 22
How could you not realize that you were bitten by a bunch of ants, and that you wiped your face with them?
almost_there44 26
Read the FML again. He clearly realized that he was bitten, AFTER he wiped his face with the towel.
nonsensical 26
Did you know you had a red ant infestation? If you did wouldn't you have been more careful about things you use to wipe with? Hey at least you don't need to wear blush tomorrow!
crispiestsquid 4
How could you pick up a towel covered in ants and not realize it? Or why at the first bite did you not stop wiping?
Lepisma 38
Neat/really awful fact about fire ants - they don't bite individually. They synchronize so that they start biting at the same time so they can send a bigger message. The "first bite" may well have been a dozen bites at once.
usnwife 18
She may not have opened her eyes, I keep mine closed while washing to keep soap out, and often grab the towel with my eyes still closed so water doesn't run in them. Granted I am paranoid about spiders so I always shake out/check my towel before washing....
_Adog2645 24
I hate fire ants with a passion. My old house's yard in North Carolina was infested with them. Those things ******* hurt, I can't even imagine a ton of them biting my face.
Aurora94 20
How long have that towel been hanging there?
fastman19 20
That bites
samlovesham1234 9
Burn it!!!
rodrigun449 16
It's a shame to be attacked by the beloved spicy bois. Hopefully your clientele and bosses will understand
SilmeriaKai 1
I sympathize with you. When I was little I stepped in a fire ant hill and got covered. It was so awful I am terrified of ants to this day. I hope you feel better soon and call an exterminator.
peterblack67 9
So you used a towel and didn't notice it was covered in ants?? How is that even possible?