Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RobertWJV86 11
Spider hunter.. Death by eyelid..
Earths_Venus 25
Well now there's no spider to climb up the water spout. You're a monster!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
RobertWJV86 11
Spider hunter.. Death by eyelid..
BigLatchZatch 14
That's a new one.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Welcome to Nopetown
incoherentrmblr 22
Your eye is a Venus fly trap...
iSativa 24
Hold your eye open and run water over it under a faucet. My eyes are watering just thinking about the horror and pain you have experienced.
langenbrat 8
my eye doctor told me never to do that because there's a small, spiral shaped bacteria in the water that can make you go blind...
nellbell414 13
Plus they don't have the same saturation, that's why you use saline solution
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
At least it's dead...
badluckalex 23
wtf?! dead or not I dont want a spider in my eye! edit - or anything for that matter
Ichiya 29
Spiders are awesome. Take some time to learn about them and you might not be as afraid of them.
tiger8255 13
#46 Or end up like me and become extremely paranoid about them.
Vegetarian27 24
They're freaking terrifying, and the more I learn the scarier they get.
Ichiya 29
Actually most spiders ignore humans even the dangerous ones don't attack unless they feel threatened. Im not saying start a spider fan club but work towards being less afraid.and more respectful of the danger they can present.
Since1998 20
They're just like bees, but there are always accidents when you don't see them. This spider would have been spooked, and if venomous/able to would have probably bit her eye.
pikawarriors 18
A spider crawled into and bit the inside of my mouth. I will NEVER get over my fear of them, it's called arachnophobia and it's quite hard to deal with in some serious cases. Ugg, I get shudders just thinking of the things
20minutesto9 23
They might be awesome but I still wouldn't enjoy having one in my eye!
Earths_Venus 25
Well now there's no spider to climb up the water spout. You're a monster!
okay33 12
That is an amazing version of the song! Hahaha
Insanemf18 12
Put this in iTunes SO MANY DOWNLOADS
alex_gen 39
Maybe if you got bitten, you'll become Spider-Man?
lil_ham1644 29
*improved
MissEris 27
Depends...was the spider irradiated by a particle beam first?
MRP360 14
You have set your eye on fire now...and your room...and your house, just to make sure the little bastard is dead
salamancer 11
There is truly no way anyone can deserve this kind of horrid nightmare. FYL op... My regards to your poor eye
chocolatefrog28 29
That sounds like the beginning of a nightmare, that little spider ghost is going to be pissed.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Better hope the mother spider wasnt watching you brutally murder her kid or you are going have to sleep with one eye open.
kinky44 28
What if it WAS the mother and hundreds of angry spiders spewed out from the dead mother?
DoubleDosexo 12
oh god.
lefsetang 15
But with one eye open, might the same incident happen? O_o
LebanonBaby 26
I'm guessing OP has one good eye left though..
Sandsh8rk 36
This FML seems to have come straight from the land of NOPE.
RagingWill 17
Had to reply to say this is one of the few comments to actually make me lol. I know there's a button for it; I utilized that too.