Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML
Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
At least you started your day with extra protein
Grizz8831 14
night snacking is nothing to be ashamed of... ants though, they had enough time to not only find the chips but also get more ants there... that is on you
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Comments (6)
cuz803 46
At least you started your day with extra protein
RichardPencil 32
You sound like Stifler's mom.
Grizz8831 14
night snacking is nothing to be ashamed of... ants though, they had enough time to not only find the chips but also get more ants there... that is on you
ChipBoundary 9
I don't know where you live, but it takes about 20-30 minutes for ants to find something in my place and no amount of spraying or baiting makes a difference. I woke up one morning to find an ant hill in the middle of the carpet in the hallway of my apartment building, and it wasn't there when I went to bed.
Hempseed 27
Clean your damn house.
introvert nerd 4
say you had some lip filler and it didn't turned out well