Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
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Top comments
DarDarAttack 0
Nothing's wrong with being a virgin. (:
kristen1823 0
Your first time having sex should be a special thing. Save yourself for the one you truly love. There's absolutely no rush.
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Comments (131)
hysterical 1
So what if you're a virgin? Honestly, all these FMLs about people complaining about vein virgins is just ridiculous. Can't you prove yourself some other way besides having sex? "OHMIGAWD I'M NOT A VIRGIN I'M SOO COOL." Why does your quality of life depend on whether you are a virgin or not?
perdix 31
You've got the signal wrong -- it's a necktie on the doorknob to signal that you're getting laid! One sock on the doorknob means you've got its mate on your knob, and you're jerking off in it.
RedPillSucks 33
Damn. I always get that wrong. What does two neckties, three socks, some panty hose and a jock strap mean?
boopityboppity 11
RPS, it means: "WARNING: You are about to enter a Far Side comic. Enter at your own risk, or if you're a cow."
abz2250 0
#8 lol :D
TheB0a 5
Damn straight, hard to get sleep sometimez.
Xephyr 1
Hey, well there's no crime in wanting a peaceful nap.
Korro 8
what's the problem?
stevenmx86 8
Wow how pathetic can you get?
deannamarie12 0
Lol, so your FML is being a virgin, I assume? Not so much of an FML, cause there isn't really anything wrong with being a virgin.
lolatlifehahaha 0
Nah, the FML is actually about OP's foot being frost-bitten because he sleeps with only one sock on.
kubleeka 0
not much of an fml
backdownbreh 0
I'm waiting for a reply that is actually clever or coherent. instead of these retards that think they are with or clever or can troll good.