Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
Well worth it. She should be ashamed for behaving that way off duty and hopefully you can clear your name.
lantz4levi 19
That would be embarrassing. Why did you arrest this lady? "She punched me after I was trying to force myself on her husband"
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Comments (65)
thisisthestupid 18
Just because she's a cop doesn't mean she doesn't need to hop off you man
Rainbow_Rhinos 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI. Unless she's an active threat to you or others, physical violence is not needed.
TheLadyOpal 30
Since when is repeatedly trying to force yourself on someone NOT an "active threat?"
NostalgiaFreak9 43
So if somebody you didn't know got drunk and forced them self onto your significant other, you're just gonna stand there and watch?
igive 29
Let me put it this way: the lady cop was sexually harassing OPs husband. That right there is threatening.
may14th 26
lol if it was a man forcing himself on a woman and the boyfriend punching, no one would say anything
ScruffyMcHaggis 6
She was an active threat. She was forcing herself on her husband. In America, we call that Sexual Assault. OP was totally within reason to punch a chick out.
militarybrat 21
So she was trying to sexually assault her husband, and she didnt have the right to defend him? REALLY?!
oreoeater 21
Busted, just like her nose
beeferjay 34
cops aren't above the law, press charges on that bitch... she's going to press charges on you anyway
stvn97 11
Probably too drunk to remember
cheshireau 26
Cop or not, she shouldn't be doing that shit.
Geckosrock99 33
I doubt she can do anything to you, OP. I mean she was harassing your husband after all. Drunk or not, cop or not, she was in the wrong. Hopefully the other cops take your side. You and your husband against one drunk cop seems like pretty good odds to me.
JosephKorso 15
If I know anything about cops, it's that they tend to stick together. Great when there's a dangerous situation. Not so great when one of them has committed an actual crime. FYL, OP.
Tripartita 45
It's a damn shame she didn't use cheesy occupation-based pickup lines on him like, "Sir, anything you have between your legs can and will be held agains me in a court of love." That would've tipped you off rather early, OP.
scyth3s 13
The only thing that would tip me off to is that she likes bad puns. Nothing wrong with that, but I don't assume that everyone who says "are you a general? Because my privates are standing at attention" is in the army.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
She definitely had that coming, a cop shouldn't get drunk and then force herself onto other men, off duty or whatever her situation may be.
MrUnlucky246 9
She had it coming
Dick_diamond 22
Is your husband incapable of telling some drunk chick "No". Or defending himself from unwanted attentions?
ACCOUNTKILLER 18
Exactly what I was thinking- he's a grown ass man and if he doesn't want to go there, he would make that very clear and without assaulting them and if it becomes a problem, it's time to leave. Is there some kind of trust issue with your husband? And why do women always get angry at the "other women?" Half the time I'm sure cheaters would lie about their relationship status.
Alexandria79 22
I always wonder about that. I suspect some men like the attention and are...less forceful in saying no sometimes.
laden_swallow09 35
If she's drunk enough and aggressively flirtatious enough to warrant a solid cross to the nose, unsuccessful rebukes on his part don't seem to be so far-fetched.
DoomedGemini 38
"Kept trying" sounds like he kept trying to refuse and she wouldn't take no for an answer. And sadly, op hitting her would be taken better than a male hitting her despite him being the one harassed.
Setareh23 34
Well let's see how it would be if the genders were reversed. A girl is having a nice night out with her SO. Some random drunk dude starts flirting with her. She says no, but he ignores her and keeps trying to physically force himself onto her. Her husband sees this other man repeatedly harassing her and trying to force himself onto her inappropriately despite being repeatedly asked to stop, so he goes and punches said man. Now, would people be telling the girl it was "her own fault" and "if she TRULY didn't like it, why didn't she just leave," and that obviously the husband in this case punched the other dude because he has "trust issues" rather than because of the fact the other dude was sexually harassing the girl? And before anyone pulls the "oh but the husband would be stronger than a girl..." a) we have no idea how strong he is, he could be a weaker dude b) if the lady is a cop, chances are she works out and is fit (at least more than the average girl)
RedPillSucks 33
well, we don't really know that the husband was refusing the advances. thats the question I had. what was the husband doing. I find it hard to believe he had problems telling her no. thats why I don't thing gender reversal arguments work here.
DoomedGemini 38
The "kept trying" rather than "was trying" means either he was refusing or op was refusing.
KatsaGrace 3
What does the phrase "forcing herself onto [him]" mean to you? Because to me, it sounds like she was being physically and sexually aggressive. Most men are uncomfortable defending themselves against women because of the old "you should NEVER hit a woman" spiel. None of this sounds like his fault.