Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I get to go to my new job and have the boss's kid watch me as I do all the grunt work, and he just sits there watching me, only to come and correct me on how to do my job. Oh joy. FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, I had to find a babysitter while I attended a mandatory work function. We were told to bring lunch and wear clothes we didn't mind getting dirty for a day of team building exercises. I guess that's what the boss calls painting the office. We don't get paid for it, and the boss is on vacation. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
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Top comments
denvan 0
You should've told him, when you wear a bikini it's harder to position your junk.
Death_From_Above 0
I like his job!
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Comments (117)
tr0llz0r 0
Tell him you don't charge much more for his junk to be repositioned in your mouth.
brieebeear 0
I'm with #9 and it is actually hard . especially if you haven't shaved in a couple days :
oatmeal_boi 6
Quit. Immediately.
oatmeal_boi 6
Hilarious shit.
goldenone 2
that's cause you're not attractive
Calyx_fml 22
**** him. Then ask for a raise.
pizzle012345 0
I bet dad wishes he can position his junk into your ass
RebelYell14 4
Needed to be the last day on the job.
88sforlife 0
if he works it she may get a raise !
Zombieslayer1 0
although she might get a raise she would probably never get a good job after that. As far as it goes there will most likely be something that comes up such as a tape that she didn't know was recording, or one of the kids walked in and told mother/relative. Just don't do it.