Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML
Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
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Top comments
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.
gladlily 16
I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...
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Comments (84)
stephenfranklin 15
That could get out of "hand", if you know what I mean.
Rainbow2Cloud 12
Your picture and your comment go pretty well together.
Rainbow2Cloud 12
Oh and it's not everyday you see a man with a taped up face; along with two vibrators and a ***** on his head. Your picture really sends good vibrations my way.
ExtremeEncounter 32
I find it funny that OP's name is "**** blocked", considering the FML.
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.
blcksocks 19
Also don't say anything to the wife on the lines of "Are you prepared to get wet, because these pipes are about to burst"
ArsenicApple 15
#17 I'm not even gonna lie that was the best and also the worst thing I've read all day
mxgirl1998 26
These puns are so good but so bad!
MrConcise 35
Maybe he doesn't watch enough **** to know how blatantly fake that shit is.
starile 20
I dunno, maybe it's not so far from the truth. OP's user name is "**** blocked", after all
gladlily 16
I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...
Eyalsh 32
well, maybe if she had had less Headaches..
Hoopachi 19
#34 Wait what???
HumanitysFinest 15
I totally agree #4
mightycocoman 12
that's why you hit the thumbs up or reply to the comment
AnOriginalName 19
I totally agree #18.
enginsteve 17
I totally agree #22.
theaaxis 27
The motorcycle is cool, but hop off the bandwagon ;)
Cads1 24
**** isn't real? That can't be right.
Abdul888 16
I guess **** categories like Homemade is most of the time real.
DaBayst 15
I wonder if he does the same thing to pizza guys.
8Dirty1 24
haha this made me smile:)
The_Avatar 22
Next time he's there pull up with your car playing some 70's **** theme!
Sazzles 17
He's probably been having an affair with the babysitter for years.