Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML
Today, I went to my son's parent teacher conference. Imagine my shock when I found out his second grade teacher is the girl I chastised at Walmart yesterday for being covered in trashy tattoos. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML
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Top comments
aj448 5
How much per hour ;) No seriously... I need someone to help take the old paint off my walls
GlennGuagmire 20
Stop stripping in front of ur son.
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Comments (18)
GlennGuagmire 20
Stop stripping in front of ur son.
drayloon 50
I'm disappointed you didn't say "giggity", Guagmire
WinterChild 20
Quagmire*
BestOrginalName 22
#8 - that's his FML name, young grasshopper.
WinterChild 20
Touché
kirby1964 20
You would be surprised how many "teachers" make extra money in the summer month working at a strip club.
potato_smoothie 6
who cares
mezochan 29
You'd be surprised at how little teachers make...
awesomeamandas 37
you put quotations around teachers why? a teacher is a teacher no matter what they do in their free time.
aj448 5
How much per hour ;) No seriously... I need someone to help take the old paint off my walls
kirkaygri 18
Right?! Shit, you'd make more stripping the paint way. That is the worst job ever. Add in wallpaper and you've got yourself a gold mine.
torrea 19
Now imagine the other stuff he's, confusingly told her that you don't know about. Gotta love kids.
RichardPencil 32
That's a good catch! Quick thinking! My kid told the teacher I was "boning chicks." When confronted, I explained I was preparing Cornish game hens. Whew! Close call!
f_n_fail 2
Lol, well unfortunately I don't get paid the strip the paint off of the furniture so maybe its time to look into the polw dance courses. jk. But kids say the darndest things. :)
annalily5 28
Not sure why that's something the teacher should even feel is her place to write home about. She's not paying your bills, it's not her business how you do. I can understand not wanting your child to spread it around to other kids, but in that case she can do her job and pull the pipsqueak aside and ask him to stop.
Setareh23 34
Well, if she was stripping paint at home and the kid said he "saw mommy stripping" in front of him, the teacher might have suspected something more sinister. Technically, the law says they're supposed to report even the suspicion of it. My parents have had child services called on them for way less, so I actually found it nice that the teacher had enough sense to send a letter first and give her the chance to explain.
Dominus101 20
Kids say the darnest things sometimes
snickerpuss 9
A note saying what? You could actually be a stripper and it's none of her business.