Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML
Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
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Top comments
wazzup182FML 3
you take 60 seconds to pee XD
LaylaFurious 0
use the mr. clean magic eraser extra strength! works like a charm lol.
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Comments (161)
Edwinadii 4
first... thumbs down
hare 19
blame it on the Jesus juice!
marmlr339 14
WTF? relevance?
PeteyPablo12308 20
At # 2: What?!? WTF are you talking about.
MfailK 0
I love taxidermy.
sterlingarcher 1
lol what?!?!
Shafreeka 8
What the Hell are you talking about?
thtsuxs 0
white tooth paste cleans up sharpie mark....not the gel kind the paste one
Justforlolz 14
Ohhhhhh, I get it! You mean the...... I don't get it.
FuniiBunii 0
#2 sorry but no one speaks stupid here , so we don't get it.
wazzup182FML 3
you take 60 seconds to pee XD
Blueglasscup 18
It says so right there! Yes he or she takes sixty seconds to piss!
imcheerish 0
I think what he means is sixty second is a long time to pee.
mmedeiros14 0
it must be a girl they take forever to do anything
Flutist 3
Uh, it said nanny. So yes, I would take it to be that it is a girl caregiver.
oboewhore_xD 6
Guys can't be nannies?
FreebirdIII 1
Includes time to wash hands. it is part of the process, or should be.
Yousuck24 21
108- Guy nannies are called mannies.
Felix_Felicis15 8
I think a male nanny is either called a nanny or a babysitter.
ljesm14 1
time to repaint the walls. my little sister drew a lion with crayon on the wall in the hallway. my dad wasn't to happy...
edogy 0
rarrar51 0
Sharpies are Effing awesome!!! :D
sarahxD1234 5
MR CLEAN ! it works.
VaGino432 0
idk bout that, but some goof off would too.
TakeMyLifePlease 7
Yup, the heavy duty Magic Eraser has saved my butt more than a few times.
kiran_fml 5
ethanol works too, I just don't know where to get it from...
tratelle 0
Always when you're not looking...
CAPTmok 7
its called capitalising on opportunities..... damn the two year old is smart!!!!
docscientist 10
I just...you didn't think that would take the paint off??
LaylaFurious 0
use the mr. clean magic eraser extra strength! works like a charm lol.
guckylynn 19
Yeah I was wondering why a nanny doesn't know that trick.
taidemelina 4
I was gonna say the same thing!
CrackerJack127 3
true that. :)
Torunn 13
As does sunscreen.
NailVarnishFan 0
say you where just encouraging the babies artistic talents? :S
ashseal 11
sucks
astana_fml 0
exact
sterlingarcher 1
yup
nucky_fml 5
If all else fails, blame it on the one armed man. Or just sleep with your boss...
chouter21 10
wow. lol. Annoying child!