Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, my therapist farted three times during the same session. FML
Today, my hubby thought he made me queef during sex. I was too embarrassed ro tell him it was a fart I was holding in, but couldn’t once I orgsmed. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthy conversation, my girlfriend mentioned, "And he always farts during sex." FML
Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
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Top comments
Kurby14 21
Time to look for some brain bleach
captainsmegma 12
Queefing, your vag's way of saying "bring me more dick"!
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Comments (49)
Tomato_Cheese 22
That blows!
captainsmegma 12
Queefing, your vag's way of saying "bring me more dick"!
sinverguenza 11
I think a visual demonstration will work best with your therapist. I recommend cupping your hand on your armpit and clamping down with your arm.
dcats 13
Op, you must be a very big babe when you were born.
takren 2
Grow. Up.
Eleora 19
I need to find friends like your mothers'... lol
allforfun 23
No words except LOL
kittycat2007 18
you realize that you are the reason her ****** is stretched and queefing right? Motherhood can also cause bladder leakage permanently. #themoreyouknow
InfiniteSunshine 32
No this is not the reason at all. The ****** is a muscle, it stretches to accommodate birth/sex, but it ALWAYS goes back to it's original state. It works the same as the muscle of your mouth, when you smile or stretch it a lot, does your mouth go back to normal? It does, and it's the same for the ******. Queefing can happen regardless of birth, and it means that the opening is not entirely filled by whatever is inside. Which in regards to sex actually often means the woman is more aroused because the muscles are more relaxed and lubricated, hence the "looser" feeling, translating in more air being pushed in.
sillygirl247 14
That's is magical. How is this a FML? That is ******* gold!
mattrd_fml 31
I feel bad for her gyno.