Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving her boyfriend's nuts. Apparently, he'd snuck in through her window. FML
Today, I attempted to snoop around my daughter’s room, because I suspect her of having sex with her boyfriend behind my back. Hoping to find the evidence, I went to her room as soon as she left for school. Turns out she rigged her bedroom door. With glitter. Uh oh. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
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Top comments
Darian66 5
I think its time to keep better track of what she is doing online.
sailorzoe 14
Maybe you should try to find her a hobby? Because that one is weird and gross.
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Comments (150)
sneakypelican 2
Queefer Sutherland.
RaggleFrock 13
Queef Urban.
ilovedinosawers 17
Chief Queef
tsent8 15
Hitler and the third queef. Great barrier queef.
TheRandomIndian 17
Queef
B_CeouL 12
Queef sandwich
Roskosity 22
Queef Ledger.
PrincessPesa 20
Queefer Madness
PrincessPesa 20
Queen LaQueefa. Queef Sweat.
Chelsea_bella 20
C-c-c-combo breaker! Someone had to do it.
DrSo 15
#89- No you didn't..
death943 10
89, combo breakers always get disliked.. but you did break your pride.
sonuskos 6
I remember the time combo breakers were liked. Now its just a thing of the past. The fml community has also changed since then. Ah how i miss those debates
finnrambo 13
queef carradine, queef richards, queef lockhart, queef van horne, queef... no I'm done
MyNameIsViet 15
Roast queef
ZacZ 8
Queen LaQueefa! You beat me to it.
SystemofaBlink41 27
98- I see post from like 2008 or 2009 and you can really tell the difference... Now people gotta think twice o what they post or else it'll get buried...
MyNameIsViet 15
Ha! I thought of another one! Lucky four queef clover
Iceman226 17
Queefentology. The Queef Awards.
bluehero 17
Queef Elizabeth III
sailorzoe 14
Maybe you should try to find her a hobby? Because that one is weird and gross.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Extremely gross. I don't even know any guys that sit around trying to fart. Other than the occasional "Dude I'm going to light my fart on fire!" If we'd try that I swear someone would end up with a surprise in their pants. Yuck.
ydi_4_suking 20
It's not like she's gonna take a shit by queefing 36
biloxi_girl 22
36- its air coming out not gas.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I meant when guys try to fart. Damn haha. I thought that was obvious. I didn't say anything about a female queefing, just about males farting. Apologies on the confusing comment, I suppose I'll have better luck next time haha.
kkamp516 10
Kind of like you.
skulltorn 8
That's very judgmental of you to say her activities are gross. Some may say getting tattoos on your body is sadist and disgusting. I personally believe we have a right to be free from being berated on the activities we choose to do, as long as its not hurting anyone. Is that girl trying to queef hurting you or infringing on your rights?
ScaughtieHolden 11
Because air isn't gas. Do you know the states of matter?
biloxi_girl 22
Yes I do actually. If I need to explain further for you I will be more than happy to do so. a queef is not a dart you can light on fire. It is are not gas as in flatulence....do you understand now?
biloxi_girl 22
*fart *air
inSayne 7
Yes. Yes it is.
inSayne 7
*@134
death943 10
I queef, you queef, he, she, me queef, queef, queefing, (Insert Squidward),queefology: the study of queefing. It's 1st grade Op.
Darian66 5
I think its time to keep better track of what she is doing online.
s0m3guy2010 21
I could only imagine... Search History: queef Edward Cullen Cat juggling Crack addiction Oh God! It only gets worse.
Mr_Satan 11
I dunno 24, I'm unconvinced it gets worse than edward cullen...
s0m3guy2010 21
27- Have you ever seen a cat juggling video? It's absolutely horrifying.
Mr_Satan 11
Nope, but I did get a good laugh picturing it. I tend to favor my imagination over videos =)
kakarot2 11
Justin beiber
Smashhoof 15
Don't forget condom snorting...
Link5794 18
Wait, are cats being juggled, or are the cats the ones doing the juggling?
chowE_fml 4
At least she isn't trying to do kegels. What a relief
dead_insects 18
cuz nobody likes a loose bitch! ;)
NeDaroft 5
yeah what a requeef relief*
MWidderAUDI 14
#34-you tried to hard.
BellaBelle_fml 23
'Requeef' just sounds wrong. Did you queef and it ninja'd it's way back inside only to be released once again as a requeef to wreak the havoc that it never got the chance to the first time?
kkamp516 10
No, it's sort of like twitter. He saw a queef on his timeline and just HAD to requeef it. His 2 followers would DIE.
wlddog 14
This freaks me out a little bit. My daughter will eventually be going though that stage, and I am unsure how to best respond. She is 3, so hopefully I still have some sanity time.
SWC_Penguin 17
I'm pretty sure this is not a "stage" all women go through. Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies!
whatthefreshhell 15
If that's a step to womanhood, I either skipped it or I'm not a woman.
Somefruits 24
I think 5 just meant the stage where kids go through puberty and start to explore their bodies a bit. Stuff like that.
KLeePrice 11
16, I think #5 meant the stage that they try things they see online or by their peers. Such as the condom challenge.. Most disturbing thing I have seen a teenager do!
SammyS2012 21
may i ask what the condom challenge is?
wlddog 14
Logically, I know my kids are gonna do some really dumb things eventually. But is there any real way to be prepared for those aquward situations? Such as sexual exploring of their bodies. Is there anyway I could perhaps get the wife to walk in on that instead of me? I can deal with my sons, but my daughter...... Thats my baby girl. Lets just say, there is gonna be hell to pay when she tries to date.
caitlinrawrr 9
82 - it's a stupid challenge that's trending when you snort a condom up your nose and it comes out of your mouth. Queefing on accident is so embarrassing..
spazz666 18
Snort a condom? .... Mmm latex and lube.
AlliFaye17 3
Um she's 12 maybe you should monitor what she does online..
lilhellian 27
How did a 12 year old come across this.. And why did she unrestricted access to computer?
asdfjkl123456 13
I had unrestricted internet when I was 12 and I turned out... RESTRICT HER INTERNET. ASAP
timelessone 16
This is why I hope I only have boys. Much easier.
lilhellian 27
But, boys fap..
ashesanddust 8
Lol did you not see Bridesmaids? "I cracked a blanket in half." Boys and girls each have their own difficulties it would seem.
timelessone 16
#11 at least I know what to expect. If I had a daughter I would just feel bad for whoever she dates.
timelessone 16
Because I'd be to over protective
kkamp516 10
So would I. She'd probably be ugly as ****.
cuponoodles34 10
I had to crack those bedsheets open .... I got that from a movie, and I can't remember which one. I just know It's a reference to boys and sheets
Elfkid21 19
yes we are!! i hope to only have sons too!!
bReLiNg 18
Kids these days have seen too much, hopefully she only saw queefing.
BellaBelle_fml 23
That is sadly true. I was so innocent and naive when it came to things like this when I was that age. And that's the way it should be! I'm not saying that children should be completely sheltered and ignorant of such things. They do need to be taught about their own body, the way it works, the anatomy of their genitalia, etc. BUT, it should be taught to them using words that they will understand and only the very basics at first. Then, you slowly progress into more and more detail as they grow up. That way they can learn at their own level and yet maintain the amount of innocence appropriate for their age. And they won't have to look to the internet, or other mediums, to learn about these types of things.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Also, if the OP's daughter is that curious already and willing to attempt queefing, that just sounds silly lol, something that she has only seen on the internet and doesn't really understand, at 12, what will she be trying next? Internet restrictions, blocks, and a very close watch on what she is looking up is definitely in order here! "What if those don't work and she manages to get passed the blocks?" Then there's no more internet for her! And, "What if she goes behind their back and uses the internet elsewhere?" Well, there's really not much that can be done about that sadly. When teens and teeny-boppers are determined to do something, and they usually are, especially when they know it will upset their parents, there's almost no stopping them.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Especially at that age they know it all anyway and the more you push for them not to do something the more likely they will
Bubbelz 25
Short comment passing by. Carry on.
bombtastic 10
Next thing you know, it'll be either ****, masturbating, or both. But yeah, how did she even come across that in the first place?