Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
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Top comments
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
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Comments (128)
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
jizzwold 21
I hope they let her. Its no fun having to deal with crazy people.
hopsinlove17 26
Don't do that! Now you can become immune to all that shit. It's a win win situation(;
saintsrocksocks 10
13- OP can start the next evolution in human beings!
norotors 16
How do these people get into college?
bones_17 5
Common sense just ain't common any more.
awkward_gothlady 32
Maybe give it a bit of time. True, she made a horrible first impression, but she might not be as bad as she seems. Or she might be the type that's never in the room. If it's still bad after the first month, then consider switching roommates.
samiiii_fml 2
This is EXACTLY why I chose to not live in the dorms.
Welshite 40
#13: I don't think it's possible to become immune to a psychotic crazy person.
fabulosogurlee 7
Don't be silly guys... She made it seem like she was crazy, so she could get a room all to herself, and you are suggesting to give her exactly what she wants! Good strategy if you want to live by yourself
hopsinlove17 26
67- I know, but I was talking about the fungus. Sorry guys:( I take full blame of my flubby brain
thiscrazything 1
At least OP doesn't have to worry about finding dried up boogers everywhere.
MDTeddy 13
I am confused. Is she the hulk's wife?
babe7260 30
Was just wondering the exact thing!!!!!
andrew6p 19
Is ur roommate Igor op?
YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16
Sounds like a fun year for op
zephyrnok 9
I guess you picked a winner.
saintsrocksocks 10
Picked?
Lindahhxd 7
Buy her anti-fungal cream as a roommate-warming gift! Or just switch out.
zephyrnok 9
@saintsrocksocks When they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains and replied "No thanks, I'll wait for mine." But to explain the joke to an uneducated individual, I'll make it simple: Picked a winner is referring to the joke "Pick me a winner," that many people say when someone is picking their nose.
Psych101 9
49- 13 is correctly pointing out that OP did not pick her roommate.
elletex 8
Way to be a pompous ass, 49.
COOL__Coal 12
49 you pick your nose?
fuzz97 23
49, you just went full retard.
BeforeItWasCool 12
Oh, 2 how blissfully unaware you are. If only you could pick your room-mates. Then I wouldn't have had to endure two years of a young woman who aspired to be, and I quote, "Like.. Totally like Paris Hilton, or something."
saintsrocksocks 10
49- I will take no offense to the malicious, verbal assault you have just attacked me with. And if you were curious, I do indeed have a brain.
RealTalk0 7
Last time I checked, this wasn't a failed marriage ceremony.
Mioko_fml 6
Enjoy college (: and your...interesting roommate. Looks like you guys are going to be best friends.
bones_17 5
False
ebonyirony 29
36- it was sarcasm.
bones_17 5
37- True
me234 7
Ask for a new roommate. ( if you can)
ruabadfishtoo 0
Pretty sure you can't "ask" for one. I think you need to talk to the RA and plead your case
GetKayotic 12
If OP can't get a new roommate, she may want to learn to sleep with her eyes open. And also purchase and install security cameras. Who knows what her roommate will do when she's away!
howdeedoo 22
She sounds like a fun guy!
MURIKKA 11
"She sounds like a fun guy"? Damn, you are one confused person.
KiddNYC1O 22
5- I got it.
CherryLipBalm 1
Fun guy... Fungi? Come on, that's funny.
MrThew 0
I get the pun, but seriously? Shes not even a guy *facepalm*
kdog333 1
no really? cuz i definetly thought she was a guy.
MURIKKA 11
Oh wow, I'm dense. Sorry about that 5, that was a good one.
mimiminx 23
At least you know what to look out for! Surely it can't get any worse?!!
Sandman366 6
No matter the situation, it can always be worse. For instance, she could like growing poison ivy. Or demand OP to throw out many, many things because if allergies. Or could just be bossy/demanding. Or all three. It can always be worse.
jweezy89 4
It can get worse, and quit calling me Shirley!
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
Khariau 8
When one day you'll drown your computer or phone in puke-the second being easier !
ninjadinos 14
Well, when else would it be normal to be on FML if you are not eating or using the restroom?!
mrsquiggles6900 5
Haha. Totally on the toilet while reading that(:
THISxGUYx 3
Dude id get a new roomate or request a different room
priceyfml 7
She is quite the room mate
0RedPenguin0 8
Get some lysol and sedatives for her, you'll be fine
p3mguin 7
Lysol works like a charm... PENGUIN FRIENDS