Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
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Top comments
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
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Comments (128)
d13bat 1
That totally blows. I actually never had one word spoken to my freshman year roommate the two semesters we lived together.
fukmefreddy 4
gold digging, crazy, infectious girl... top of the list of people I wouldn't live with... sorry OP
junkman6 22
Shower shoes and a tazer..... Go buy them now.
Zangetsu67 5
And where do you just go and buy a shower exactly?
esines 9
Haha I was sitting there thinking, "What the hell are shower shoes?"
gc327072 31
46- at home depot duuhh....
kakarot2 11
Shower shoes or sandals... Basically you wear them so you don't have to touch the bath floor with your bare feet. Especially since she has fungus.. Highly contagious
junkman6 22
Yeah sandals for in the shower. Keeps nasty foot fungus away, I figured those were as common in dorms as they were in the military.
Zangetsu67 5
Ok that's the last time I read FML's while stoned
vbmg152 19
And the problem is....... Lol! Just kidding! Get a new roommate! Oh and make sure she takes her meds.
bestnameright 14
Lucky...
FuckYourProblems 6
Have you ever watched the movie The Roommate?
campervan 6
Gurll you gonna get along just fine!!:)
Spankmymonkeylol 6
Reminds me of my ex girlfriend , FML !
TheGianaJinx 0
Just... No.
Zangetsu67 5
Oh god why