Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
She turned your aquarium into a vomitorium... Good luck finding Nemo in there.
Omfgitsmia 15
She sounds like a mess. Maybe you should live alone.
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Comments (83)
Omfgitsmia 15
She sounds like a mess. Maybe you should live alone.
sens3sfailing 25
Except most people can't afford rent on their own
Omfgitsmia 15
Well then suck it up and hope you find a better paying job one day to live alone.
EsotericBrent 29
Take it from me, I'd live alone if I could. Colleges almost never give you your own room mid-semester
Omfgitsmia 15
I know. I was going to live on the dorms, but I'd rather live alone and it's expensive so I suck it up, stay at home and save.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
I just think OPs roommate had horrible luck with her first impression.
damn_homie 2
43- I think you're right. But OP needs to set her straight so maybe it won't happen again or it won't be that bad.
peacheso 31
You miss your old roomie now huh
Keevarou 17
The good news is that she probably do not drink 24/7 And you are not afraid to try new things because of bad experiences. You could always tell that person not to drink all the time of he/her does that. It is better with a roommate with some faults than not being able to socialize
gc327072 31
The hell it isn't! I'd rather be alone then in the company of drunkards or fools.
dontpanic_fml 32
Are you a fortune cookie?
Keevarou 17
As long as they can actually be decent when not drunk is good enough for me. And you could just establish some rules instead of going all "everything is ruined" :P
ttlyfmlduh 6
No. Just no.
TheDrifter 24
Classy woman. I'll bet she's going to be hours of entertainment.
Pleonasm 36
She turned your aquarium into a vomitorium... Good luck finding Nemo in there.
ICastillo 25
All she did was feed Nemo. He'll have extra food for a few days.
PenguinBitch 44
No, don't you guys see? The fish plotted this whole event! Like the movie, they hope OP takes them out so they can escape. Now's the perfect time to invest in an Aquascum 2012 which is an all purpose, self-cleaning maintenance-free, salt water purifier that is guaranteed to extend the life of your aquarium fish!!
ironichalibut 24
At least the fish may be well fed now, if they can stomach that of course. Also depending on the alcohol content they may be more confident and easy going, that is if they aren't traumatized by this whole event.
Kingbreezy04 10
Pleo, which ruim is your favorite?
Pleonasm 36
ruim?
Since1998 20
That really sucks, but at least you don't have to feed the fish for a while... if that's a good thing.
ICastillo 25
#36 you're just happy because those fish are going to be nice and plump. You cats just love fish.
SxDrgsRockNRoll 5
At least she didn't spill beer in the fish tank and puke on your bed..
KareBear7364 5
You should talk to her about that and hopefully she doesn't make that a habit. thats unfortunate though, sorry op.
perdix 31
The old roommate's looking pretty good now, huh?
AssTard 15
Normally I would agree with you on this, but we have no clue what the previous roomate was like except she was crazy.
BVBarmy_girl 22
Sounds to me like one of those persons, who drink when nervous around new people? Perhaps..
VannahJane 17
Its all part of the college like
VannahJane 17
Life*
Lionesse 15
Not everyone wants that kind of college life and it shouldn't be all that. Why spend money to go get drunk? Tuition is quite pricey. I'd hate that lifestyle if it involved blowing chunks all the time.
MistaBlista 9
What a first impression.
kellzhellzbellz 6
Give her a little time. She might only be a wreck when she's drunk
AssTard 15
But that's the point of the FML. OP is stating that the roomate is a huge mess when drunk, and she is prone to getting drunk again.