Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
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Top comments
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
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Comments (128)
aarmyprincess 2
Have you seen the movie The Roommate? That reminds me of it
sarbear293 4
I'm pretty sure some colleges have the option to change rooms. I'm sure other people at the college are going through the same issue and need a roommate! Best of luck, OP
M3LAKNEE 3
You are one lucky person! Gross...
xtalondriver 14
You've got a built-in science, and psychology experiment. WINNING!!
PinkiePie_fml 14
I think that she (the roommate) might be acting that way to scare OP away.
TurquoiseJesus 15
This seems to always be my go to advice for any issue involving other people, but it is a fitting solution for any of those issues: Chloroform, gag, and rope. Go get them.
Welshite 40
Your "go to advice." So you abduct people often? Not sure I would publicly announce that, if I were you...
TurquoiseJesus 15
I'm not saying I abduct people often, I'm just saying it's a good method of keeping people quiet...
kimg0885 23
Too bad this isn't a movie op; if it were all you would have to do is call some glam squad / etiquette coach and voila you have the best rookie ever!
PurpleLightsaber 4
Oh. My. God. That's disgusting.
RenZia777 3
that is beyond disgusting :/
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Do I hear par-tay?? ;) FYL