Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
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Top comments
littlemonster94 15
Your roommate has presented you the perfect opportunity to pull some master pranks. Use her paranoia to your advantage.
0RedPenguin0 8
Put iocaine in her drink after building up an immunity to it. Problem solved.
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Comments (102)
littlemonster94 15
Your roommate has presented you the perfect opportunity to pull some master pranks. Use her paranoia to your advantage.
shaww 28
pretend to choke during the taste test
OhDearBetrayal 25
I would be careful. The symptoms of schizophrenia include paranoia, which means that if your prank goes over the line she could do something irreversible.
dmoran20 27
Looks like I have a new reason to watch the news every night.
grmnxsensati0n 4
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Lasagnaa 24
Better to be safe than sorry.
littlemonster94 15
Exactly. I didn't mean to encourage anything that could actually hurt her roommate. :-)
timotay89 14
When she has you taste a bite, just say "sure, I'll take a bite from THIS part of it."
interesting33 37
no - having OCD or anxiety or even paranoia is such an awful thing to go through. Playing on her insecurities which honestly sound crippling is bullying behaviour and cruel. Although you shouldn't have to deal with behaviour like that- so could you talk to your landlord/lady or maybe even talk to the mental health team - and your room mate of course. She sounds like she knows she is being irrational if she is willing to let you eat her food. It is a very damaging and complex ordeal for a person to go through but she can get better. Don't make it worse but do try and help her and in doing so, get her to go to a psychiatric place or somewhere so that she stops being your room-mate because you should not have to deal with these things. Good luck OP and to your room mate too.
interesting33 37
and yes she sounds mentally ill (in reply to the person who said she might have Schizophrenia) but unlike the media portrayal, people with Schizophrenia are very rarely "dangerous". No more than people with other forms of mental illness I would say. But do not push her. You don't know her story. Don't put up with her behaviour though - talk to your landlord/county council/ mental health team and get her to move out and get help I would say.
OhDearBetrayal 25
I'm sorry if I implied that she would attack or become violent, what I meant was that she could do something that could be hard to change. She could go into a deep depression or she may even become so fearful of things that she would be able to perform normal everyday tasks.
Revan501 15
Quite the crazy one you got there op.
dmoran20 27
If she grabs a mallet you better run like hell!!!
silvercamaro 22
She might have a crazy room mate, but she'll save a whole lotta money on food now!
Harpy20 24
"This isn't going to work..."
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
It's not you, it's me...
AssTard 15
13- More like, " It's not me, it's you. You're a crazy ******* bitch."
0RedPenguin0 8
Put iocaine in her drink after building up an immunity to it. Problem solved.
CharresBarkrey 16
Inconceivable!
dalink 24
Yay!
morella_xx 29
#4, exactly the advice I came here to post! It may take quite a few years, OP, but the end result is well worth it.
mandachea10 8
Or, accidentally give her a lobotomy, and you will end her paranoia, of everything.
xpheonix57 7
As you wish.
streetriots 9
Tell her don't bother unpacking.
perdix 31
So, you're the pre-preprepared meal taster? This is getting into "Inception!"
AssTard 15
Oh God! Don't even suggest that! Hollywood will already start making an idiotic sequel. I mean the first Inception was good, but sequels...
perdix 31
First, let's take down the word "preprepared." That's bullshit! There's already a "pre" in "prepare!" We don't need a second one.
HeartOfLead 24
Second, the concept of "inception" is to subconsciously give someone an idea, them be unaware of it. It is not to go "something with-in something", that's known as "breaking the fourth wall".
perdix 31
#47, stop making stupid shit up, or I'll ground you until the end of the Gregorian calendar ;)
80sgurl 15
Id find another roommate.
connerwonner 7
Maybe OP is in a dorm at college. Then she wouldn't be able to find another roomate.
klutz44 28
You can always talk to the RA and tell them things aren't working out. Some people just shouldn't have roommates.
RedPillSucks 33
Unfortunately OP may be at the end of a chain of people who rejected the roommate
CaptNomNom 17
The insanity is strong with this one.
dalink 24
Family history... And genetic predisposition.
shaww 28
chew the food until she starts eating, then fall on the floor pretending to choke
kobelstone23 13
Hey, free food, can't complain there.
qwillis98 20
They're roommates, it's not free food I'm sure op has bought the food.