Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML
Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML
Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
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Top comments
robvicious_fml 0
masturbation is normal and healthy, tell'em to shut the **** up!
dino_witha_cape 0
delete all of their un-important files on their computer leaving a video of you screaming "NO!"
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Comments (215)
Naomi_fml 0
Tell your parents it's much less expensive way of keeping a **** clean. Cause I don't think they want to pay for hospital bills if something happens. masterbaition (especially) for young men is a great way to keep the Penis strong, healthy, clean, and more so if you haven't been circumcised it's a good way to keep it clean. Parents telling there children that it's wrong are just fucken dumb. It's not the greatest thing for parents to find out. But god damn it people It's better with the hand then with a hocker.
fenner_fml 0
how the **** would ur parents have know which one was ur favorite
AlphaLeader 0
The internet is for ****!
peacefrog89 0
Wow that's messed up. That's why so many kids and adults are sexually screwed up.
agentasuka 0
yeah, your parents are lame.
chicaloca666 0
That sounds like something my parents would do... then they'd give me a really intense "talk" about exploring your feelings *blecch*
DankJemo 0
Tell your parents they need to go to a sex-education course, because they are both out of touch idiots, who know nothing of the human body...
frenzykitty 0
sounds a little farfetched... really, seems like a lot of effort...
Ttessorc 0
wtf do your parents have against masturbation?
rvn_heart 0
Your parents don't have the right to tell you that you can't do yourself. Even if they're against it, it's not their decision to make. And I agree with #5 - You should do that.