Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
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Top comments
brianjman14 23
I'm not sure about this, but can a two year old even reach the doorknob on the door? And if it could, why not got those things that you have to squeeze in order to turn the doorknob? (I'm not sure what they are, I just saw them at my uncle's house. They're safety doorknob something?)
firegirl1993 21
plans that seem good at the time...them end up being horrible XD
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Comments (155)
RyanMacVey 17
who wants tae start a pure random convo???
OCDC 9
Your friends on myspace
RyanMacVey 17
ugh they dont like ma comments coz a cant spell ): fukk this website ... aint ma fault am fukkin retarded
vsx2000goton 0
It's the ink poisoning you get from giving pens ******** that makes you retarded.
playboyintown 4
are you sure you posted on the right place?
Xquisite1 28
Ever heard of a gate or control of your child, I have two children and never,ever have I dealt with any of the problems with my children that I read about here on fml. just poor parenting.
melons 44
Never mind control of their child - they need to learn to control their bowels first.
Texast 0
I have twin 3 yr nieces. they are very well behaved kids but they still get into stuff. never criticize parents on raising their children.
SirEBC 7
At that point I probably would have just kicked the door down. Desperation gives me strength.
humorizer 14
My voice gives me strength.
Jizwold 0
pcp gives me strength
DynamicDave 11
Bagels give me strength.
devinmurnan 0
crystal meth cupcakes give me strength.
docscientist 10
Tony Danza gives me strength.
cptmorgan15 2
Hold me closer Tony Danza, count the headlights on the highway.
DocBastard 40
What a great way to ensure your kid will never be potty trained. How about watching your kid to make sure he doesn't do something you don't want him to do? Or is parental supervision obsolete these days?
TheDrifter 24
Yes, unfortunately it is doc. I'm obsessed with the news and at least once a week there is a "my baby was lost for six hours before I noticed" sob story. Not to mention all the ones where some angry mothers group is trying to have a common product banned because their idiot children were left alone with it long enough to hurt themselves.
MC18 0
Well that sucks...maybe next time you should try not to be fricken stupid.
stewpididiot 11
do I have a better solution to your problem??.. Depends......
johnnybagodonuts 2
icwutudidthar
GODs_uncle 1
that's naaaasty!!
mismonroe 0
I'd rather have the mess a toddler would make, than sh*t my pants.
kingtz 6
This sounds like a really shitty situation... (amidoingitrite?)
Person1233 13
IT SHO WAS A SHITTY SITUATION!
mismonroe 0
Wasting comment space.. I believe that's what we're all doing.
docscientist 10
Every time I see a shitty situation joke I feel a portion of my very essence drain away, lost for all eternity.
kingtz 6
This sounds like a really shitty situation... (amidoingitrite?)