Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
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Top comments
brianjman14 23
I'm not sure about this, but can a two year old even reach the doorknob on the door? And if it could, why not got those things that you have to squeeze in order to turn the doorknob? (I'm not sure what they are, I just saw them at my uncle's house. They're safety doorknob something?)
firegirl1993 21
plans that seem good at the time...them end up being horrible XD
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Comments (155)
ggurl 0
u deservid it
pattymaker 0
my nephew is one and can open pretty much any door
jimmy0332 0
next time u do that make sure u hav ur big boy pants on
xmarkstheheart 0
Hey #34, you're a total dumbass! So you'd rather have your child ******** randomly all over your carpet than teach him or her to use a toilet? I hope you never have kids, or if you do I pray that someone will call Child Protective Services on you! OP, you waited so long that unlocking a door took (which takes about two seconds) became a factor in not ******** yourself? Really?? Just stick to watching your kid better.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
The OP may not have waited at all. It could be that they got hit by a sudden need to go, which can happen depending on the foods you eat, or beverages you drink. It also could have been a case of sudden onset diarrhea There are a lot of women who have sudden bowel related issues when on, or near the start of, their period.
Lubpynk 0
wow that sucks. My 2 year old could get through any safety locks on the doors at the age of 1 and a half so I have to lock doors to. if he gets the key he can also unlock the door with that. lmao to ppl saying two year olds aren't tall enough, how small do you think a two year old is? FYL sorry that sucks!
dt520 4
guess its already time for the poor fella to change your diapers...
GeneralMotors 23
haha that is a total YDI
briidontgive_ 0
If you knew it would take you more then 30 seconds to unlock a door you shouldn't have waited that long.
SFking 0
see n if u leave it unlocked now ur son is gonna mess it up,
cricketlover 0
lol, clever