Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
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Top comments
brianjman14 23
I'm not sure about this, but can a two year old even reach the doorknob on the door? And if it could, why not got those things that you have to squeeze in order to turn the doorknob? (I'm not sure what they are, I just saw them at my uncle's house. They're safety doorknob something?)
firegirl1993 21
plans that seem good at the time...them end up being horrible XD
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Comments (155)
baseballin25 0
why dont you stop being lazy and teach your kid not to make a mess.
vickilouise 1
#1 yes a 2 year old can reach the door knobs and yea you can get the safety door knob things but some kids outsmart those. my second child opened doors with those on them after a week of them being on. she opened doors before she was 2.
vickilouise 1
and to everyone saying what a horrible parent op is for having the gall to lock her kid out of the bathroom...I curse you all with 2 year olds that destroy everything in their wake good frigging luck!
xgetxbentx 13
they make child proof locks for a reason. this would be one of them. ydi.
monnanon 14
Once again the childless are out in force telling us how bad we are because we dont follow our kids around the house or tie them up somewhere on a long leash. It is a fact of life that two year old kids are curious and want to get in everywhere. It is also a fact that things that are deemed 'childproof' only cause problems for people over ten years old. Babies and young children are adept at opening doors, squeezing through stairgates and opening those clickly childproof lids. A bathroom is dangerous where unsupervised kids are concerned so it is probably the right choice to lock it.
Flipflops4ever 0
Using my iPhone so don't kno where this will end up but in response to comments on my post: 117: I never sd parents shdn't watch their children, it applies to making sure children don't put anything dangerous in their mouth (actually shit is less dangerous than a bottle cap, mouthwash, acetaminophen, a screw etc, it has nothing to do with natural child rearing. 120: there's a diff btwn potty training & math. Pets can learn using litter box almost instinctively. they can't b taught reading or algebra. I actually sort of agree with 130--let children learn by imitating with a little help. Like the OP. She shdn't have locked the bathroom door - if the kid makes a mess trying to use the bathroom, let him & clean it up. That's part of parenting. He is trying to figure it out, I didn't like her shutting the kid out of there.
monnanon 14
Its not a little pee on the floor that OP is trying to prevent. Its a blocked toilet with toys down it or rolls and rolls of paper strewn around the house. There may even be a surprise paint job curtosy of OPs favourite shampoo because thats what little kids do. Making a mess when learning to use a toilet is expected but a conpletely destroyed bathroom is not.
monnanon 14
as for my comment you replied to (130) what i meant by saying that kids are mimicking the motions is that it is not an unnatural thing we are forcing upon them. They are ready to learn. However kids do learn from mimicking first, they will use thier spoon and maybe not pick up any food but they have the right idea.
MakaylaCommisso 0
shit for brains.
bigantennaemay 3
hmmmm... how many times i gotta tell people DON'T HAVE KIDS. nothing good can come of it. YDI OP, for having kids, i got no sympathy for ya.
someguy314159265 15
Finally, another person who agrees with me about kids. Unfortunately, we're part of a tiny minority, and our voices can never be heard over the voices of the millions of crying babies being born every second.
livy0611 0
don't have kids. wonderful, wonderful advice. so you would rather have the human race die out?
luisit11 0
y don't u just close the door
yankee805 0
ydi